One Piece: Berries of the White Sea
by Professional Protagonist
Summary: An original story that takes place in the One Piece universe, following an original crew of pirates. The story begins detailing how Bartholomew K. Runch, known as the Cereal Killer, falls into the role of pirate captain and grows to accept his new nakama. Afterward, the crew gather together to head for the Grand Line to take their dreams by the reigns! Contains no canon characters.
1. Chapter 1: Nostalgic Beginnings

Chapter 1: Nostalgic Beginnings

It was a beautiful, sunlit day on the high seas of the West Blue. A lone man stood at the front of his ship, The Guppy, staring off into the distance. Adventure awaited him and his crew at their destination; that much was certain, and he smiled in anticipation. Adventure wasn't the life for every man, but this was not your average everyman. Well, not anymore he wasn't.

The man was middle-aged, but still youthful in mind and body. He stood at five feet eleven inches, though he appeared much shorter leaning forward with one leg up on the bow. His skin was a slightly grayed tan, and his features very sharp. What stood out most was his white mustache, which protruded nearly four inches from his upper lip, resembling an upside-down V. His clothing resembled a marine captain's uniform, save that it had been dyed blue, and he wore an admiral's hat with a great big K emblem.

Who was this man, and what was he doing on the high seas? One look at the flag of his ship would tell you all you needed to know. This was Captain Bartholomew K. Runch, pirate of the West Blue. Yes, that's all anybody needed to know, that this was a pirate ship and as such it should be sunk into the ocean along with the entire crew. Yet that flag tells a greater story, one not nearly so cut and dry and far more interesting.

"Captain!" called out the man in the crow's nest. "Marine ship coming in port side!"

"Prepare yourselves then!" the good captain shouted back. "But leave it alone if we can! I prefer smooth sailing for now, so we won't strike first!"

Runch pulled himself away from the bow and forced his gaze on the marine ship. His experienced eye told him one thing for certain: That ship was on a direct course for The Guppy. Damn, and when they were making such great progress!

"Striking first will ensure the final strike," spoke a soft yet strong voice from behind Runch. The captain briefly turned to see a man hanging from the mast by his legs. He wore all black fabric that completely hid his physical features, but he was lean, acrobatic, and strong. He was Smith Smithson Smithington III, ninja warrior, and Runch's first mate.

"That may be true, but I've never let us take a life that didn't have it coming to them. I won't stop that policy now, especially not when we're so close to what we're after."

The captain's policy was a strict one, but he wouldn't need to contemplate breaking it today. The marine ship was in cannon range now, and they were taking fire. BOOM! A single cannonball shot true, the large iron orb trained right for the captain himself.

"Spinning bird!" Smith called out, releasing from the mast. He maintained his position upside-down, but spun through the air with his legs split like a helicopter. His foot brushed against the cannonball, knocking the weapon off-course and into the sea, which splashed upward like a small geyser. Smith fell to the ground, his leg in minor pain.

"Looks like I'll have another flag for my chest after all, Captain."

"Looks like it, Smith," Runch commented, unsheathing his saber by the spoon-shaped hilt. "Crunch Pirates! Attack!"

Shouts of excitement and cries of war permeated the air like a thick fog from both the pirates and the marines. While the crew was thinking about the battle, Runch was thinking about the man at his side, and how loyal Smith was. It all went back to their first meeting, not too long ago…

So hungry… A lone man dressed in all black could only stare up to the clouded blue sky as his body betrayed him. He had already eaten all the food on the ship, and there were no fishing supplies. Hell, there weren't any fish in this area either! The man briefly glanced over toward one of the dead bodies nearby and, only for a nanosecond, considered the possibility.

Smith Smithson Smithington III pondered how he got into the mess he was in. Let's recap, shall we? First, he finished his training at Dusk Island, learning the ways of the ninja. Then he set off to find his lost parents, quite stupidly, in a little dingy. After that, he was picked up on this ship by some marines. So far so good, right? So where did it all go wrong? Ah, yes. Now he could remember. One of the marines tried to touch his necklace. After that a fight broke out, resulting in a whole lot of dead marines, a damaged helm, torn sails, and a clueless Smith that didn't know how to sail a ship to begin with.

The starving man fiddled with his necklace, the offending item that had caused this misery. Yet he felt nothing but pride when staring at the dove on the chain. That's what that fight was about. Pride. It was the only thing he had left from his parents, and that stupid marine wanted to take it as compensation for saving him from drifting the seas on a dingy. Smith pondered his situation and laughed a bit. He had to admit, if he could replay the entire scene, he would have done the exact same thing all over again.

"Oy! Anybody there?!"

Another voice. Smith was getting delirious again. Well he wouldn't answer this one. He just felt stupid last time. No, he figured he'd keep lying there. Fate was bound to work its hand into his life sometime.

"Hello? Seriously, answer me if you're there! Holy strawberries!"

There it was again. This voice was a little more persistent than the other ones, Smith had to give it that. He wondered if that meant he was really going bonkers now. Wait, he heard something else… Footsteps? Ha, now the hallucinations were really picking up!

"Damn, you're alive!"

Ok, no more ignoring. That was right in front of him. Smith opened his eyes to view a middle-aged man right before him. He was squatting and stroking his pointed white mustache, a look of curiosity and concern plastered onto his face.

"So… You look. Er… Great! Yeah! You look great! So what happened here?"

Smith said nothing.

"Well, I can tell you're hungry. I came onto this ship looking for supplies, hoping I might get lucky, but you're more important I'd say. Here, have a bite." The man produced a bowl of cereal from his jacket, complete with spoon, and offered it to Smith. Smith raised himself up into a sitting position, leaning against the side of the ship, and stared at the bowl for a moment. Well, he wasn't one to look a gift horse in the-Ah, to Hell with it. He grabbed that baby and scarfed it all down before the man could even see what had happened!

"Well I'll be! I was about to apologize for not having any milk, but you don't rightly seem to care, do you? Say… How'd you eat that without taking that mask off?" The guy was curious, no doubt, but he simply chuckled and sat back, producing another bowl.

"Here, have as much as you like. I can promise you I won't run out. Omnomnom. Anyway, my name is Runch. Bartholomew Runch. Middle name is Kevin, if you can believe it. Lot's of people call me Krunch because of it. That right there is my own recipe, so it warms my heart to see you enjoying it so much. What's your story?"

Smith had finished the bowl before Runch finished speaking himself. He set the bowl down gently, wiped the crumbs off of his mask, and gave a small burp.

"Thank you. My name is Smith Smithson Smithington III, so your name isn't hard to believe." Smith smiled slyly beneath his mask before continuing. "You are an honorable man, and you saved my life. I pledge myself to you. My loyalty and my life are yours to command."

"Oh, no no no, it was nothing, really!" Runch started, throwing his hands up and blushing. "I mean, it's no trouble. You were in a bind and I helped you out! I know how tough some spots can be. I'm in a little trouble with the marines myself…"

"Then you will need my strength," interjected Smith. "We can watch out for each other, my captain."

"Please, you misunderstand the gravity of my situation. I'm not in so much trouble that I need a bodygu-Wait a moment." Runch cut himself off and began stroking his pointed mustache again. "Did you call me 'captain'?"

Smith nodded.

"Om. I actually kind of like the sound of that. Ok, we can travel together, but I want us to be on friendly terms, ok?"

"As you wish, Captain."

"Oh boy. Smith, I don't want you subservient to me. That's not what a friendly relation is abo-Oh screw it. See my ship over there?" Runch gestured off the starboard side of the ship they were on, and Smith looked. He observed a small ship, bearing marine sails and a marine flag. It would have been extremely difficult, possible, but extremely difficult for a single man to sail it.

"You lied to me, Captain," the ninja began, a wide smile hidden behind his mask. "You told me things weren't _that_ bad with you and the marines."

"Yes. Well. Omnom. Um… Let's load any supplies from this ship on over, ok?" Runch was clearly embarrassed to be called out on his little white lie, so he just changed the subject. Smith followed through, and the two loaded supplies for nearly an hour. Finally, they were ready to cast off and leave the damaged ship behind. Smith finished the loading by climbing to the top of the ship he had been stranded on and taking down the flag.

"I'm a collector," he told Runch simply once he observed the man's confused look.

"Right then. Let's set sail, Smith!"

"Aye-aye, Captain Krunch!"

"Omnomnomnom." _It's almost like this guy is trying to turn me into a pirate or something! _Those were the thoughts than ran through Runch's head as the duo sailed with the wind, setting course for a new destination. But what awaited this strange duo? Adventure lurked on the high seas!


	2. Chapter 2: The First Battle

Chapter 2: The First Battle

Runch and Smith had been sailing for a few days, with no sighting of land. The journey was tough with just the two of them to keep the ship afloat, which meant there wasn't much time for any navigation. Since Bartholomew had only rudimentary skills at best, and Smith had no idea what he'd be doing at all, time for navigation was something they sorely needed. As such, they ended up mostly drifting off course.

"Is this what you were doing before you found me, Cap'n?" asked Smith, tying off a rope.

"Not at all," he replied, adjusting the sails. "I hadn't made nearly as much progress with your help! Omnomnom. And please stop calling me that. Call me Barty."

"How'd you get out here then? Seems like an unwise move, heading out on a stolen marine ship without a crew to man it." Smith finished tying off the ropes and went for a quick jog to the helm, where he turned it 20 degrees to port, just as the instructions his captain left.

"Oh, that's a long story. We'll need to save our breath. After all, we don't even get much sleep with all the weight we've got to… PULL!" he shouted the last bit as he strained against a large counterweight. He didn't think he was cut out for this kind of life. Not one bit. The sooner he could get home and continue working on his dream, the better. This danger, this work, it just didn't suit his personality in the least.

"Besides, it's not like you're one to talk. Heading out alone with no navigation skills whatsoever, in a dingy of all things, and killing a ship full of marines. Now _that's_ unwise. Omnomnom." Runch climbed back down the mast and met up with Smith at the helm. Damn, it'd be a while and they were both hungry.

"I'll tie a rope here to leave it in this position, Cap'n," Smith commented, reaching for said rope. Runch just rolled his eyes at being called "cap'n" again, but left him to it. He headed down to the galley, a rather small and cramped room on this small ship, and began preparations for his latest concoction. Just as he had finished, Smith came down and took a seat. If anybody could have seen through that black mask, they'd see he was quite antsy and hungry indeed.

"What's the grub tonight, Cap'n chef?" he asked, half-joking. He already knew, a spoon in hand and waiting. The only surprise to come was what flavor.

"Swordfish and taffy flavor!" Runch bellowed back enthusiastically, sliding a bowl of cereal over to his new friend. "Omnomnomnom. Dig in!"

Both men ate their cereal with joy, for the flavor was exquisite, at least by their palates. Runch spent much of his meal time staring at Smith, observing, trying his damndest to see just how that man could eat with a mask on. Smith seemed to catch on to his puzzled companion.

"Ninja tricks. You're never going to figure it out."

"I will when I finally beat you at poker. Remember, you have to tell me when I win."

"That's _if_ you ever win," Smith shot back, a sly jest in his tone. "Better luck next Wednesday."

"Yeah, well, I'd have better luck if you didn't have the best poker face around! Omnomnom."

Their conversation was interrupted just then by the sound of a distant blast. That was odd, wasn't it? A moment later, a much closer blasting sound came from nearby, and with it a splash of water. Cannon fire!

The two rushed up the stairs, heading back to the upper deck. The sight that greeted them was not pretty. A hole had been blown through the mast, the large pillar of wood now leaning and bent, threatening to snap under the pressure of the wind. On their starboard side, about a hundred feet away, was a pirate ship. The two had to act fast and efficiently.

"Roll up the sails!" Runch ordered Smith, knowing he could do it much more quickly with his young, strong body. "Any more wind putting pressure on that thing and we're sunk!"

Smith did as he was ordered without hesitation, getting to work as quickly as possible. His speed was not unimpressive. Still, he felt the need to communicate back to the man he was loyal to.

"If it comes to that, we can swim to that ship and take over!" he called back. Runch just glanced to the side, facing the pirate ship. His eyes were full of doubt. Somehow, he didn't think that would be happening.

BOOM! Another shot of the cannon struck true. This one splintered the deck right around the mast. That was it. Without a firm foundation, the mast came down, and with it, Smith, who had been rolling up the sails. The ninja smiled at the excitement, but even better was where this falling hunk of wood was taking him. Maintaining his balance expertly, he took off running along the falling mast until he reached the tip. With a mighty shove from his powerful legs, Smith was now sailing through the wind, mere feet above his assailants.

"Soaring eagle!" he shouted, gliding along. The pirates below stared up at him, stupefied that anybody would be so stupid to actually do that!

"Diving falcon!" Smith bellowed, spinning into a dive. Two blades attached to his wrists extended, slicing four pirates as he landed, his arms crossed over his shoulders. "Heh. Amateurs. C'mon cap'n! I left a bridge for ya!"

Runch watched with his eyes open wide in amazement as his friend actually just did that. Wow. And now his friend was taking on the whole ship by himself. For the moment, it seemed. His martial arts and wrist blades had taken out four pirates in one blow, and now he was fighting off seven others, but a quick head count showed that there was still a crew of twenty-two others.

Runch stared down at the mast bridging the gap between the two ships. It was wide enough, but probably slick. By the time he got over there, Smith would already be dead, but if he hurried himself, he'd fall in and sink. Damn it.

Runch groaned and jumped down to the mast, intent on saving his new friend. He nearly fell off on first impact, but quickly grabbed hold of the side of his ship for support. After quickly catching his breath, the man ran across fast as he could force himself. The mast had little support, so it spun around like a rolling log in the Canadian Olympics, but somehow this man forced himself across.

Climbing up the side, another pirate fell overboard, brushing right passed his shoulder. How many of these guys had Smith taken out? Surely he had to be tiring? A quick peek over the side showed the results. Just under thirty bodies were strewn across the floor, the rest presumably in the drink. Smith was still standing in the same location he had landed on, but he was breathing heavily. He had four cuts on his body, a bullet lodged in his left shoulder, and there were still two pirates left.

The two pirates moved toward Smith. One was large and imposing. He wore a dress suit of all denim with the sleeves torn off, a military buzz haircut, and spiked knuckles. The other was smaller, but not unthreatening. He held two flintlock pistols in his hands and grinned at the injured, tired ninja in front of him. The larger man nodded to the smaller.

"You're one Hell of a tough guy, I'll give you that. But now you're dead. Any last words?"

"My captain will save me. And then he'll kick your ass." The words were so simple. So plain. Smith truly believed in those words. Runch's grip tightened. He didn't quite understand the feelings he was having right now. He was afraid of what would happen to him if he attacked… But he was also afraid of what would happen to his loyal friend if he sat back. This was it. Fight… Or flight?

"Pft. You're all alone. The old man that was on deck with you is gone now. You callin' that stupid sonuva bitch your captain? Captain of a small ship and one man, and where is he? I'd say you aren't enough to save. Deal with it. Get this over with, Cho."

The man with the pistols licked his lips and grinned more widely than before. After a small chuckle, he focused his aim, and pulled both triggers. BOOM! The gunner cried in pain, holding his hands together and thrashing around. His pistols had exploded in his hands!

"AAAAAGGGH! OOOWWWGGHH!" he cried out, wandering just a little too closely to a certain man that doesn't appreciate guns pointed at him.

"Ostrich flip!" shouted Smith, kicking the injured gunner almost straight up. He kept his eyes on the falling man, waiting for the perfect moment, until…

"Picidae peck!" With the final battle cry, Smith shoved his arm, wristblade fully extended, straight toward the falling man, stabbing into his chest. Other than a small gurgle, he made no sounds. He just slid off the weapon and tumbled over the side of the ship.

"The HELL was that?!" the large man called out, looking around. He spotted where the remains of the pistols landed on deck and briefly inspected the area. The barrels were blown to high Hell and the bullets were smashed against something pellet shaped.

"Heh, you're better than I thought you were. No marine I know fights dirty that way. Tell me, when'd you find the time to plug Cho's pistols?" He stared down at Smith smugly. Each of his canines were replaced with gold fillings, something easily caught by the eye.

"Heh… I didn't," Smith wheezed back. "And we aren't marines. Are we… Captain?"

The large man followed Smith's line of sight, puzzled. There was another man on his ship, the same middle-aged guy he had thought they already blew to pieces with the cannons. He stood in place, twenty feet away from the big guy, his hand outstretched as though he had thrown something.

"Captain, huh?" the big guy growled. He straightened himself up and clenched his fists. "Captain of a marine ship, but you ain't no marines? That's a laugh. You fight like demons, call yourself captain, and sail a marine ship, but there's o'ly two of yeh and you don't call yourselves marines. That's confusin' as fuck."

He spat to his left, right on the face of one of his own crew. Then he lifted the man's body up by the ankle and pulled back his other fist. "My name's Jean 'Strong-Arm' Baptiste, captain of the Strong-Arm Pirates. And confusin' things _piss me off!_"

Strong-Arm slammed his right fist into his unconscious lackey, his great strength propelling the body forward with great force. Runch simply stood there, watching the body rocket right at him, yet it never did reach its intended target.

"What the?!" Jean cried out, in disbelief of the wall that had just erected itself in front of his foe. The pirate slammed right into it, blood gushing out his open wounds. The wall, as if made from a million little fragments, collapsed in on itself, but Runch had already moved away.

"I'LL MASH YOU YA LITTLE PRICK-WHOOOOAOAOAH!" Jean tripped up on something as he rushed toward Runch, little round pellets, and fell flat on his face. He continued rolling, right down the stairs of his ship until he hit the helm with an audible "oomf!"

His vision was hazy, his senses dulled a bit by pain, but Jean was sure something felt really heavy around him. He tried moving, but found that he couldn't budge even an inch. Once his sight recovered, he saw why. He was buried up to his neck in a mountain of… Cereal? His opponent stood right in front of him, dropping more pellets onto the pile, seemingly produced by his sleeves.

Smith had made his way down to the helm, a slight limp in the leg where he had been cut. He smiled but also stared in amazement at a pirate captain being held captive aboard his own ship, buried in the same stuff he had been eating for several days now.

"Cap'n? What's going on?" he asked, curious but in awe.

"I've never called myself 'captain,' but my name is Bartholomew K. Runch," he sternly said to the captive Jean, before turning back to Smith. "And I ate the bori bori no mi. I'm a cereal man."


	3. Chapter 3: Belli, Bounties, and Birds

Chapter 3: Belli, Bounties, and Birds

"Wait, so how is it that this guy can't get free from this cereal pile?" asked Smith. He was currently whipping a few of the pirates who had regained consciousness. The group of ten worked hard to keep the ship heading on the course Barty had set for them, or else. The rest were either being treated by the ship's doctor, or dead. Well, except for Strong-Arm Baptiste. He was buried to his neck in a heaping pile of cereal.

"Omnomnom. It's pretty simple, actually. I just made it really dense," Runch replied. He was staring at some maps, along with a compass and a sextant. "I can make cereal from my body because of the devil fruit that I ate, but I control the mass, volume, and the ingredients of it, as long as I've eaten that kind of cereal before. And since I am a cereal manufacturer… Well, let's just say that list is quite long! Omnomnomnomnomnom!"

"Grrr," interrupted Jean Baptiste, who had been snarling and growling the entire trip. "If this is just cereal, then I know just how to get myself out!"

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Runch warned, rather uncaringly. Baptiste ignored him, biting down near his shoulder. The sound of a whimper punctuated shattered teeth.

"I just got through saying that it was super dense, didn't I? I'd say I gave it the consistency of solid iron. Oh well. Your fault for not listening. Omnomnomnomnom." He looked up from his map a moment, gauging the winds silently. After a moment he gave a smile and nodded.

"Great. Strong winds from the southeast. Just where we want to go. Now if only I could remember how to adjust everything… You there!" he called out to one of the toiling pirates. The man fearfully approached Runch.

"You know much about navigation, boy?" he asked, pointing to his chart and other equipment. "We on the right track?"

The pirate looked things over before nodding. "Yup, we 'ar', Captain Krunch. Looks fine t'me."

_Ugh… Why do these guys keep calling me captain? For the love of strawberries!_

"The captain's done with you now. Back to work!" Smith whipped the floor near the man, who backed away a bit, whimpering. He remembered that guy kicking his head into one of his buddies, and Runch got his answer.

"Just call me Barty. Or Krunch. Whatever you prefer. But yeah, back to work. We've got a port to get to." Runch waved the man off, staring back at his chart. Things seemed to be looking up. The winds were favorable, his port wasn't too far off, these pirates were too scared to mutiny, and Smith's injuries were minor enough that he'd make a full recovery naturally. Sure, he lost his ship and the supplies there, but it was a pretty minor loss when you considered he planned to dump the thing anyway. After all, he just wanted to get to a port so that he could charter passage back to his home island. A ship of his own would require work and maintenance, and a marine ship of all things would get way too much unwanted attention.

"Captain! Land ho! What's our plan of attack?"

_Well that was well timed._ "No attack! We come in peace today, mates!"

Runch stepped closer to the bow, taking in the site of the approaching island. He was disturbed, however, by an approaching pirate. "Captain?"

"Call me Barty," he sighed, turning to face the man. "And what is it?"

"Well, our treasury and food stores are running really low. If we don't get any plundering done real soon, we won't have… Well, anything… Sir." The fear was evident in his voice. He cowered a bit as he informed his new "captain" of the circumstances. Runch was mildly irritated by this news.

_And here I was going to use this ship's treasure to get myself a charter back home. Damn. Ah well, there's always plan B._

"Don't worry about that, lad. I've got a plan to get a decent amount of Belli. Omnomnomnomnomnom!" His laughter had a positive effect on the pirate, bolstering his spirit. No longer cowering, he stood straight and smiled. Hell, he might actually seem to like this captain! It never crossed his mind that Runch was simply working them to the nearest island just so he could abandon them.

After quickly taking down the ship's pirate flag, the group had made port in just under an hour. There wasn't anything remarkable about Sunny Island, save for the great weather, but that made it a bit of a hub in the West Blue. That, and there was marine base G-7 on site. It was because of that base that there weren't many pirate attacks here, so everyone lived in relative peace. All in all, Sunny Island was a place for good trade, friendly atmosphere, and occasionally…

"So we're taking this guy into the marine's bounty office, eh? Good idea, cap'n," praised Smith, as the two of them carted an unconscious Jean Baptiste in a wagon. "The bounty money can fix up the damages to that ship, can't it? Then those scallywags will both fear _and_ respect us. Good plan."

Runch sighed as they rounded a corner. "You really like playing with the romantic idea of being pirates, don't you? No, that isn't my plan. I just want the money to charter a ship back home on Turanga Island. Everything leftover will go into my business. That's all, Smith."

"Oh, I see," Smith sighed to himself, a little disappointed. "I guess that means I won't be calling you cap'n much longer, will it? Well you're still not getting rid of me. I'll work for you as always. I do owe you my life."

"I never wanted to be called captain to begin with, Smith," Runch shot back. "But if you want to stay with me, I've no complaints. You're good company. Omnomnomnom."

The two continued discussing their plans as they moved through the streets. More than a few passers by stared at them, hauling a wagon with a large, unconscious man inside. A few whispers suggested that some of these people might have even known who the pirate was. A tip of the hat and a respectable nod later, they had reached G-7. Two soldiers in standard uniform stood guard outside the gate, each holding a rifle. The base itself looked to be a single tower with several cannons propped against the windows. It was positioned on a cape, with a rather large courtyard where young soldiers performed their training or other duties.

"Halt!" one of the soldiers called out to the pair. "What is your business here?"

"We've got a bounty to turn in," Runch began, gesturing toward the wagon. "A certain Jean 'Strong-Arm' Baptiste. May we enter?"

The marines glanced between one another for a brief moment before shrugging. The one who had addressed them unlocked and opened the gate. "Welcome to G-7. Make your business quick, please."

Runch smiled and nodded as he and Smith passed through. "Thank you, I intend to. Omnomnom."

"Either of those guys look familiar to you?" the marine who had been silent until now asked his comrade, locking the gate once more. His partner shrugged.

"Can't say that they do."

Once inside the gate, Runch and Smith continued dragging their prisoner through the courtyard. The front doors were right in front of them, a good hundred fifty feet away. Once inside, they asked a nearby female marine for directions to the bounty office. That wasn't too far away either, thankfully. Runch felt a bit uneasy being here, though he didn't show it very well. The sooner he got out, the better he'd feel.

Luckily, they got to the bounty office in only a minute. It was a fairly small waiting room with a few magazines and four chairs. Behind a counter sat a marine officer wearing the standard uniform, minus the baseball cap. He looked to be about six feet even, or at least that was Runch's best estimation of the sitting man, and had a lean but muscular build, not unlike Smith. His hair was very short and thin, the color of strained peaches, and his face betrayed his emotions: Absolute boredom.

"Well well, what have we got here? A bounty to process?" he asked in a tone mocking excitement. His voice sounded like a shrill cat. It scraped Runch's ears, who winced in pain.

"Yes, my good sir. Jean 'Strong-Arm' Baptiste, of the Strong-Arm pirates. What's the bounty on this man?" Runch had taken to handling the business. Smith noticed an open window, the sounds of chirping coming from outside. He leaned up nearby, entering his own little world.

"Strong-Arm, Strong-Arm, let's see…" the man softly screeched, thumbing through a ledger of bounties in the West Blue. Runch didn't have to wonder why the rest of the base left this guy alone in here. "Ah, here it is. He has a little higher than average bounty for this ocean, at nine million Belli. Now just let me get a good look at the guy for identification purposes."

A couple minutes later, the pirate was identified positively, cuffed, imprisoned, and Runch had a cool new nine million Belli to his pocket. He felt he couldn't get out of there quickly enough, but there was just one more bit of business he had to attend to.

"Oh yes, before I go, I thought I'd let you know. His ship and crew are docked here. Sunshine Port, dock four. That's how we got here."

"Very well, thank you for the information. I'll pass it along to my superiors. Say… Have I seen you somewhere before? You look familiar." The man's query scraped against Runch's brain almost as badly as his voice.

"Doubtful. I'm new here, and I'm leaving soon too." He was in a hurry, but that was the truth. Hopefully it'd get him excused fast. Meanwhile, Smith seemed to actually be speaking with the birds outside. He whistled and chirped in a strange pattern.

"No, no, I'm sure I've seen you somewhere before. And I think it was in here, too." The marine picked up the bounty ledger, and began thumbing through it. It wasn't even a full five seconds before he stopped with his thumb on a miniaturized bounty poster. "Here we are. Bartholomew K. Runch: The Cereal Killer. Even with a pathetic bounty of two million, it was pretty stupid to walk right into a marine base expecting reward."

He snapped the ledger closed and produced a pistol seemingly from nowhere. The barrel was pointing right at Runch's face, not even four inches away. "You are under arrest, Mr. Runch."

"Guess we're heading out, Cap'n. This way," Smith gestured to the window he had been leaning by. Runch nearly did a face fault.

"Wha? You insane? There's a cliff below, and the sea next to that! We'll die if we jump!"

"Don't worry, Cap'n, I've got it all planned out. We'll be out of here in no time." Smith was rather confident. It made Runch feel a bit more at ease.

"Captain? Heh. So the Cereal Killer's turned pirate, has he? Who's this, your first mate or something?" The marine was mocking them, that was easy to see. He chuckled a bit, showing his own confidence in the situation.

"No, I'm not a pirate! And yeah, I guess he's my first mate, but-"

"You're not fooling anyone, scum. You're a killer than couldn't make it alone and you turned to piracy. I'll get promoted out of this shack now, so don't even think of moving!"

"Cap'n, now would be a good time to jump. Seriously, it'll work. I've got this."

What to do? Two voices, a devil and an angel he was pretty sure might actually just be another devil in disguise, both pulling him two different directions. It wasn't too much unlike their fight earlier: Fight or flight?

"Hands up, 'captain.'"

"Come on, jump!"

"Don't move a muscle."

"Move ALL the muscles! Run over here!"

"Your own first mate is gonna get you killed. At least with me you live in prison."

"SHUT UP!" he cried out. It silenced the two, and mildly shocked the marine. He also caught the attention of other guards outside, who began approaching the bounty office. Their footsteps echoed, first through the corridors, then through Runch's own mind. His choice was quite clear. Turning to Smith, he spoke.

"Smith, I'm sorry…. If this doesn't work, my ghost will haunt your ass for the rest of your life! Omnomnom!" Runch leapt to the window as a bullet sped toward him, hitting only a wall of cereal. He fell out, Smith not far behind. Runch could see the rocky cape down below, and thanked the gods of the sea that wasn't what he was falling toward. Of course, he didn't much like his chances falling straight into the ocean either. It was a tiny pool, an oasis of sorts within the rocky expanse, directly connected to the sea. This would be enough to save most anyone, but he ate the devil's fruit.

SPLOOSH! Runch hit the water hard, bruising his side, and sank like a stone. Another splash and he could make out the image of Smith swimming to safety. Aw, crud. Smith didn't know. He didn't know! Runch tried to cry out to his friend, but all the escaped were bubbles. They emptied out of his lungs, only to fill up with water. All this, and he couldn't move at all. He kept sinking, blackness obscuring his vision.


	4. Chapter 4: The Lion's Den

Chapter 4: The Lion's Den

Something firm grabbed hold of Runch's wrist and pulled him up hard. The sudden jolt brought him back to his senses. The battle! He had been careless, dropping his guard. A sneak attack from behind threw him overboard before he had even the slightest chance to react, and he sank like the stone he was. The man that had grabbed him was his very own first mate, Smith Smithson Smithington III.

"Ack! Cough cough!" Runch gasped for air as Smith threw him onto a lifeboat that had been detached from the marine vessel. A moment later and he found his voice. "How'd you know to come get me? You were in the south section of the battle."

"Randal told me," the ninja replied, almost smugly, as he stroked the beak of a little blue jay perched atop his shoulder. "I've got eyes and ears everywhere. Information is a ninja's specialty, cap'n."

"Hack! Cough! Omnomnom! Just like when you threw me out the window back on Sunny Island, then? I never would have trusted that plan if you told me a bird came up with it. Good thing I know better now." Runch stood up, brushing off the water from his clothes. He took a moment to observe the water around, until he found what he was looking for.

"Ah! My hat!" he exclaimed, his voice as joyous as a little kid that just found out he was going to the candy store. He took care in fishing it out of the waters, wringing it out, and placing it back atop his head.

"Cap'n, we should be getting back into the battle. Mark says things aren't going well up there."

"Ah, things should be ok. There's no reason that Hachi shouldn't be able to handle things without the two of us around. He is stronger than the two of us anyway, you know."

As if right on cue, a man took a running jump through the air from the pirate ship to the marine's. He was six foot three inches, the tallest of the entire crew, with a lean body that still supported highly sculpted muscles, evidenced by his broad shoulders. His messy brown hair and baggy brown clothes waved with the wind, adding a bit of grace to his pounce.

Then he landed aboard the marine ship, out of sight, but hardly out of mind. The next thing Runch and Smith heard was a powerful, feral roar, followed by the screams of men.

"Told you he had this covered. Now come on, Smith. Let's get back in there ourselves!"

Runch couldn't stop coughing and hacking. It had been at least half an hour since Smith had pulled him from that small lagoon, saying something about a bird telling him to go back (it really didn't make any sense to him), and his lungs still felt on fire. He had been placed in a small cave near town for the time being, but his recovery wasn't at all what was on his mind. It was just that until now he couldn't stop coughing long enough to talk.

"Smith. We need to talk," he said simply. "Listen, after the spectacle we made, and my presence announced like this, there's no way I can book passage out of here. My face is bound to be plastered all over the island, and soon. Ack! Cough cough! Uuuugh…"

"Cap'n, you swallowed a lot of water. It screwed up your lungs pretty bad. Don't talk for now-"

"Shutup and listen!" Runch managed to wheeze out. Smith looked taken aback and just sat patiently. "I'll be fine with some time. What we need is to get out of here. Kack! It'll take them some time to mobilize and spread the word. We need to get to a port town on the far side of the island faster than they can spread the word. Cough! We won't have time to find passage leaving soon enough. We'll take this nine million belli and we'll buy a ship of our own, something we can manage together. If there isn't anything for sale, we'll just have to hijack one. It's not a perfect plan, but we're short on time."

Smith nodded throughout the story, indicating he was listening. As Runch tried to stand, he coughed a bit more. Smith placed a hand on his shoulder. "Your lungs are too weak for quick travel, Cap'n. Climb on my back. Hurry."

Runch chuckled a bit in his own unique way, realizing that Smith was right. Runch had completely forgotten that his water-pained lungs wouldn't let him breathe well enough for running. Good thing Smith was there to straighten his crazy, dumb-ass plan out. He hopped on board, and with a bit of adjusting, Smith took off like a jogger through the sand. He hopped from rock to rock on the cape of the island, keeping away from the mainland, at least for the first couple miles. Once he was certain there wouldn't be anybody to see them, Smith climbed upward until he reached the soft grass and firm soil. Surrounding them was a sparse wilderness, with trees and bushes and shrubberies all around. From there he took off as fast as his burdened legs could carry him. This was a race against time itself, the worst kind of race.

It had taken four hours, but Smith and Runch had made it. They had darted through the wild trees, leapt across running streams and rivers, climbed rocky cliffs, withstood high winds in the open fields, and avoided all towns and cities along the way, but they finally made it: Smilesville, a port town on the opposite side of the island, the furthest location from marine base G-7. As its name suggested, the town was filled with shiny happy people. They laughed, they hummed, they whistled their days away while they worked and played. What's more, there was absolutely no distress whatsoever. Either these people were just too damn happy to be disturbed that an alleged killer turned pirate was running around, or the duo had beaten the marine's information scrambling.

"Omnomnom. Gack! Omnom. We made it, Smith. Now let me down, we've got to work fast." Smith did just that, dropping Runch without any preparation, leading to the guy falling straight on his ass with a small yelp.

"… Smith?"

"Yes, Cap'n?"

"I think I'll haunt you when I die anyway."

"Duly noted, sir."

"Alright," he began, brushing himself off and rubbing his pained rump. "To the docks. We've got to find something to buy right away, in our price range."

Just as Runch began heading off, Smith whistled in the air. A second later a little blue jay perched on his outstretched hand, chirping and whistling back. Smith nodded to the little bird, gave a final whistle, and it flew off in the direction of the docks. Smith strolled right on up to Runch, who was staring with a raised eyebrow.

"… Smith?"

"Yes Cap'n?"

"What was that?"

"That was Randal, sir. He's the one that assured me jumping out the window would work, and I knew having an extra pair of eyes would help in our search."

"Oh," Runch commented, obviously confused, before continuing their walk. He pondered this whole affair as they carried on, but it was Smith who broke the confusion this time.

"Cap'n?"

"Yes, Smith?"

"Why didn't you swim when you fell into the lagoon?"

"I told you, ack! Cough cough. Ugh, This better go away soon, I feel like I've already coughed up a lung. Anyway, I told you, I ate a devil fruit. Right?"

"Yes."

"Well, what do you know about devil's fruit?"

"Not much. Something about how they're supposed to give you powers, but also curse you."

"Well they also taste god awful. I would never use one as ingredient to my cereal, I can tell you that much! Omnomnom. Anyway, the curse is that the sea turns against you. Anybody who eats one loses the ability to swim. Forever. It's a huuuuge pain for seafarers. Kind of why I want to get back home and stay there."

"Well I guess that's understandable," Smith commented, giving a wink to a nearby pretty lady eyeing him. Well, not that she'd have been able to see him wink behind his mask, but she was eyeing him… With confusion. After all, he was wearing all black and a full face mask in public. Oh, and there was a blue jay on his shoulder chirping into his ear.

"Oh, Randal's back. Uh-huh… Go on. Ooooh, spectacular! Uh-oh. Really? Cap'n, we have to hurry."

"Yeah, I've been saying that. We don't have much time before the marines will sho-"

"No, cap'n, there's only one ship for sale and the seller is about to close a deal! I'll go on ahead, just follow Randal!" Smith darted off, huffing and puffing. All the running around was taking its toll on the guy. Runch noticed that he wasn't even moving half as fast as he did when fighting those pirates a while back.

Then he noticed a little blue jay perched on his shoulder, staring at him inquisitively. He took a moment to stare back, still not really believing what was going on. It looked a bit antsy, like it was waiting for something. The bird took a moment to ruffle its feathers, and then extended a single wing in the direction Smith went off in. When Runch didn't immediately take off, it pecked at his earlobe.

"Ow! Dammit! Ok, ok! I get it!" he shouted. The townsfolk stared at him and the children laughed. He had to admit, he looked pretty funny. At least it made the children smile. Then another peck brought him back to his situation.

"Ow! Ok, I'm going!" he shouted, batting at the bird and heading off at the fastest pace he could muster. About 2 minutes later he reached his destination at the docks, where he saw two figures standing in front of a rather nice looking ship. It was a sloop, made from oakwood, and not a bad design. The two figures standing around were Smith, a hand on the back of his head, and a woman about a head taller than he was, with long black hair tied into a ponytail that extended down to her waist. They were discussing something, presumably plans to purchase the ship, Runch had hoped.

"Huff… Puff… Cough cough. Huff… Hey, Smith. Made it."

"Looks like you have someone else interested in buying your ship!" Smith threw out, cutting off Runch. "Well this is good news! Sorry again that I had to pull away your other buyer, but you know. When your wife is having a baby, you can't stand around, talking business."

The woman chuckled. "Yes, that's quite right. I'm happy for him and his wife. Kekekeke."

Runch stared at this young, beautiful woman. Did she… Did she really just laugh like an old witch? Wait a minute, Smith told the other buyer his wife was having a baby?! How the Hell did he fall for that?!

"Erm.. Yes ma'am. Well," he collected his composure and held out the bag of money. "I'd be willing to pay you nine million belli for this ship. How does that offer sound?"

"Kekeke," she laughed, holding her hand to her mouth. "Well, that price sounds fine. A little low, but fine all other things considered. Let's step on board and I'll give you the tour so you can inspect her and see she's worth it."

"Oh, no no no, that won't be necessary," Runch squeezed out. He was getting a little desperate, and the woman took notice. "I mean, er, I'm certain anything offered by such a beautiful, honest young woman would certainly be top quality. No rusty anchors or termites in the stern or anything, of course."

Judging by that glowing smile, this seemed to do the trick. "Oh, thank you sir. Aren't you a dear? Well I'll tell you what. It's yours. She's called The Guppy and I'll have her ready for you in about an hour."

"An hour?" Runch's eyes opened wide.

"Oh, it's just to finish some last minute preparations. I would have had them ready beforehand, but I was called away to work. I'm so sorry if this inconveniences you, but they simply must be done. I'm sure a handsome man of your worldly experience will understand." Did she just pull the same trick Runch used? Was flattery some kind of fickle weapon, capable of changing hands every moment? The answer was a definite yes.

"Well… Alright then, young miss. I have some things to take care of in town anyway. I'll be back in about an hour." He gave a gracious bow, turned round, and trotted off. Smith had snuck off himself sometime during the talk, as he wasn't anywhere in the immediate area.

"What sort of things do we have to do in town?" came a voice from beneath the pier.

"Gah! Scare a man out of his skin, why don't ya? Omnomnom" He had to admit that it was pretty funny. So that's where Smith went, eh? Underneath his feet. Skilled and hilarious. "Well, you have no navigation skills whatsoever, and mine are pretty basic, right? Plus, we can definitely use some help with sailing in general. An extra hand or two would be beneficial. Best place to take a look around for that would be… Oh, right there!"

"Right where?"

"There, that bar. It's called 'The Lion's Den.'"

"I still don't see it. Hehehehe."

"…. Alright smartass. Get back up here."

The two of them laughed it off as they entered the bar together. The Lion's Den was a fairly large establishment. It didn't have much going for it in the way of decoration or atmosphere, but the drinks were good and it served food too, which was always a plus. The place was right off the docks too, so it had a large clientele, the majority of which were sailors. Drinks in hand, the two went about speaking to everyone, looking for a decent navigator with an able body willing to jump ship.

It had seemed like an eternity had passed. Forty-five minutes slowed to a snail's pace when you gave interviews to an entire room of completely uninterested sailors. Most were fine with the positions they had. A few were interested at first, but when they learned Runch and Smith had nothing to offer as payment, things went downhill pretty quickly. Not even the promises of an unlimited supply of cereal were enough to scare up even one interested navigator. Instead the two took to drowning their sorrows away with a couple bottles of rum. A new guy walked into the bar, a little over six feet and wearing all brown, but he didn't look like a sailor and Runch was too depressed to try again anyway.

"The sailing life is hard enough without people knowing there's a price on your head," Runch sighed into his bottle, taking a swig of it.

"Well, it doesn't help when you tell them that it's only a one voyage job," Smith commented. It was well-founded wisdom, that was for sure.

"I know, but I don't have the heart to lie just to get myself home, you know?"

Before Smith could answer, the doors to The Lion's Den were forced open with a loud THUD! Everyone turned their attention to the three men in the doorway, one with his foot outstretched. They all wore marine uniforms and carried sabers on their waists, while the man on the far left held a stack of papers. Runch twitched in place, arranging himself in a way so as not to be immediately identifiable.

"Ladies and gentlemen of this… Fine establishment," the marine who kicked in the door began. His voice was simply dripping with sarcasm and pompousness. "We are here to inform you all that somewhere on this island is a criminal with a two million belli bounty on his head. Now, that might not seem like much, but his crimes, particularly his newest ones, outweigh his bounty. He is a murderer turned pirate known as The Cereal Killer. His name is Bartholomew K. Runch. Begin passing out the posters, boy."

The marines complied, moving about the establishment and handing papers out. They were all wanted posters showing an image of Runch's face close up, a bit of blood splattered on his left cheek. Eyes were drawn in the direction of the duo who had made themselves so well known earlier, and it took only but a moment for the marines to catch on.

"He's right here!" shouted a man nearby, pointing directly at Runch's back. "Been asking around for people to join his crew, but nobody here's a stupid pirate! Right good citizens?"

A cheer resounded through the bar as nearly every person lifted a drink and hollered. Only the newest patron, the man in brown, continued to mind his own business. The three marines casually approached Runch, setting down the pile of wanted posters. Runch, knowing what was to come, turned in his seat to face them. There wasn't anything he could do to hide, so it was all the option he really had.

"'Captain' Bartholomew K. Runch," the marine mocked. "Where's your crew? Can't get anybody to join up with slime like you?"

"You're looking at it," Smith shot back, standing from his seat. One wrong move and he'd skewer this rat on his wrist blades, or pound his brains out.

"Who said that?" the pompous man replied, looking around desperately, missing the black-clad ninja right in front of his eyes. "Must've been you, eh Cereal Killer? A crew of just a captain? Pathetic. I studied your file while on the hunt for you. Interesting and sad sad man you are. You started out as a local cereal maker in your home town. How quaint. The smiles of children and adults alike filled you with happiness as you filled them with your poison. Then you were invited to a cereal taste off, held by the king of Satou Kingdom, in which the winner would be awarded… What was it? A tour of the Grand Line with which to collect new ingredients for more cereal? What stupid kind of king would have a contest for damn cereal like that?!"

"My favorite kind of king," Runch replied, his eyes narrowing in anger. "Anything can happen in the Grand Line, so any number of fantastic ingredients may exist!"

"Irrelevant, worm! You won your stupid contest, but you ate the king's prized fruit and killed the runner up! How pathetic that you wanted it all that badly!"

"That is NOT how it happened!"

"Unable to live a normal life, you turned to piracy! You took out a local pirate for his bounty of nine million belli, and took all his treasure for yourself!"

"He didn't HAVE treasure and he attacked FIRST!"

"Shut UP!" The marine struck Runch right in the chest with his fist, causing him to break through his chair. Smith jumped into action, extending one of his wrist blades, ready to sink it straight through this jerk's skull. Unfortunately, that didn't happen, as one of the other marines quickly unsheathed his saber and parried the blow.

"I've got your back, sir," he announced with confidence.

"… Got my back from what? Oh whatever, I'll just pound this little bitch until he's learned his lesson." He struck at Runch again, and again, and the entire bar watched and cheered. Meanwhile, Smith tried to deal with the two marines that had now engaged him. Under normal circumstances, these marines wouldn't be any threat to the two. Unfortunately, Runch's lungs were still damaged, and Smith was far too exhausted. These common fighters made them look like amateurs.

Three seats away, the man in brown continued to sip his drink, watching the disturbance. He seemed interested, but in a different way than the sailors cheering at the brawl. He stood straight up and announced his presence by extending his arm and index finger, with a loud but pleasant "Hold it!"

The brawl stopped in an instant as the two marines shifted their focus from Smith to the man in brown. The leader of the group ceased his pummeling to look up as well. Runch and Smith, while both interested, did not shift their focus. The marine leader gestured for the man in brown to go on, albeit with great irritation.

"The Grand Line. You say that anything can happen there. Does this include finding purpose in life?"

Runch managed to wheeze out an answer, despite the weight of the man on his chest. "Yes."

"And word is that you are looking for a navigator and able hand on your ship. Will you take me?"

"Oh what is this?" the marine began, standing up from the floor. "This is not a pirate recruitment drive, this is an enforcement of the law. For petitioning membership into a pirate crew, I, lieutenant Hedoro, place you under arre… Arres… Arrerresssst…"

The lieutenant's eyes widened and his voiced stammered as the man before him began to change drastically. His six foot three inches became seven foot two inches. His fair skin began to change into yellow fur. His eyes pupils elongated like a cat's, his muscles bulged, his nails turned to claws, and around his head grew a magnificent golden mane. With a loud roar, the walls shook, bottles fell to the floor, and the three marines all fled with their tails between their legs, shortly followed by all the bar's patrons.

"My name is Hachirou H. Hachirou. I'm an able navigator and I ate the neko neko no mi: model lion. Am I hired?"

"Yeah," Runch managed to get out. "You'll do fine."


	5. Chapter 5: The Krunch Pirates are Born!

Chapter 5: The Krunch Pirates are Born!

Hachirou snagged Runch up by the collar and set him on his feet. He and Smith looked about the empty room. It had totally cleared out. Runch twisted his neck and back around, popping it multiple times rather loudly.

"Ah, that feels much better. Omnomnomnom. Well, they'll be back with reinforcements. We best be going, don't you both agree?"

Hachirou nodded, shrinking down to his human form, while Smith commented. "Agreed completely. We're totally worn out."

"You mean you aren't just weak?" Hachi questioned.

"Not at all. We're both pretty strong. Normally we could have bitchslapped those marines into a coma, right cap'n?"

Runch had already begun heading toward the door. "You two still standing there? Let's go. The Guppy awaits us!"

The other two briefly looked at one another, shrugged, then trotted off with Runch right out the door. The word seemed to spread quickly, as people were paying quite a lot of attention to the trio, while staying a good distance away. There were plenty of wanted posters hanging around, blowing across the ground, or grasped firmly in hands. The Guppy was only about a forty second walk, thankfully.

Once they boarded, all three got to work tying off ropes, untying ropes, hauling this and that, until finally it was ready to cast off! The anchor was pulled up, the sails filled with wind, and they were off, heading toward that new horizon!

"Which way are we headed, captain?" Hachi asked. He stood in front of a sea chart of the local area with a compass and sextant ready for use.

"Well," Runch began, leaning over the taller man's shoulders. He could see his home island on this chart, and it filled him with a mix of emotions. Joy, nostalgia, hope… But others that felt strange. Disappointment and shame.

"Watch out, cap'n!" Smith called out from the crow's nest. "We've got marine ships coming in at six o'clock! Three of them!"

Runch and Hachi turned round to see them coming. Three ships, just like Smith said, all larger and even just a little bit faster. They'd catch up soon, and he doubted they could fight off three marine ships at the same time.

"Any ideas, navigator? We can't take them and we can't outrun them, so come up with something."

Hachi only needed a glance at the local chart before he formulated a plan of action. "If we turn twenty degrees starboard, we'll hit this section of reef. The Guppy is a small ship, so she'll easily navigate it. They'll tear holes in their underside trying to catch up with us."

Runch looked over the chart himself and analyzed things. Twenty degrees starboard put them this way, which meant going through here, and there, and… It would send them in nearly the complete opposite direction of his home island.

"That's what we'll do, then." He nodded to Hachi with a smile of confidence before reaching up to pat him on the shoulder. "Good man. Smith! We've got work to do! Move it move it!"

The crew got to work adjusting the sails, and Hachi twisted the helm to set the course. The plan seemed to be working! In only a few seconds they would enter the reef bank and be home free. The marine ships even slowed down, knowing what was coming. That's when they realized it was too soon to celebrate. BOOM!

"Aw crap, cannons!" Runch rushed to the back of the ship, observing the situation. A cannonball splashed into the water, forty meters away.

"Don't worry! It's impossible to aim reliably from this distance, and we're only getting further away!" called out Hachi. There was confidence in his voice, a certain certainty that he could not be wrong. So of course life just had to prove him wrong right then and there. BOOM!

"Where is it? I think it's… Crap! It's heading straight for us!" Runch observed the cannonball as it came bearing down on their position. It was one Hell of a lucky shot, that was for sure, and it meant they had to act fast to save their new ship. Runch threw his hands up in the air and out poured thousands of cereal pellets, each one as dense as an iron cannonball. They helped to slow the weapon's descent, but it was not stopped nor thrown off course.

Smith was next the leap into action. He jumped from the crow's nest straight at his target, flipped upside down, and spun his legs like a helicopter rotor, kicking the cannonball firmly. He knocked it aside, but it was still aimed for the side of the ship, and Smith fell to the deck in great pain.

Hachi was last to act. He quickly transformed into his lion-man hybrid form and took a mighty leap straight upward. He pulled his fist back, gathering energy and momentum. With a mighty growl, he thrust it forward, unleashing the beastly punch!

"Juuōken!" he roared out. The punch did not even touch the cannonball, but the force of the swing distorted the air around it, pushing the sphere even more slightly to the side, where it crashed into the water only two feet away from causing them harm.

Hachi landed back on deck, transforming back human. Runch rushed over while Smith stood and limped. They both congratulated the lion man with great praise and laughter.

"Omnomnom! Great job! That was fantastic, Hachirou! Now we're out of range of those cannons, so lucky aim won't matter!"

"Fascinating technique," praised Smith, patting the man on the back. "It didn't even touch the cannonball, but knocked it off course when my direct kick couldn't. You've clearly got the two of us beat in terms of raw strength."

Hachi smiled, not used to this kind of attention. "The technique isn't complete yet. I'm still working on it. Kerkerkerker."

"Well if that's how strong it is incomplete, you'll be a full blown demon once you've mastered it. Omnomnom. Just think, a demon lion, a ninja pirate, and an old man with cereal. Omnomnom.

Smith smiled at Runch, and for some reason, Runch could tell. He wasn't sure how, perhaps just the air about them. Maybe it was the strong feeling of victory? Whatever it might have been, they stopped their celebration to guide the ship properly. Being small and mobile didn't mean she was immune to reef damage, after all, and once they had navigated out of the reef, they sat down in the galley for dinner.

"Chocolate and wheat flavor tonight, guys!" Runch called out enthusiastically as he set the bowls in front of Smith and Hachi before taking a seat of his own. "So, we should all get to know one another, since we'll be mates. Share our dreams and reasons for sailing and how we came to be here. Make sense? So why don't you start us off, Hachi?"

Hachi politely wiped his mouth before speaking. "I'm not comfortable being in the spotlight. Why don't you go first, cap'n? Introduction by the man in charge should come first, shouldn't it?"

"Omnom… Nom…Nom… Er, I'd prefer to go last, actually. I'm not all that comfortable talking about my past, you see, so-"

"Oh knock it off, you two reserved pansies!" Smith exclaimed, already finished with his bowl of cereal.

"How'd he eat that with his mask on?" Hachi inquired, only to be ignored by Smith.

"Making the bloody ninja spill his secrets first. Bah! You both suck!" He composed himself once more, leaning back in his chair before he began. "My earliest memories are on Karate Island in the South Blue. I never knew my parents, and the only thing I have to remember my father by is this necklace."

He pulled out the necklace with the dove shaped emblem and began to read the inscription. "To my son, Smith Smithson Smithington III, named for me, his father, Smith Smithson Smithington II, who in turned was named for my father, Smith Smithson Smithington I, who so disliked the naming tradition of his own father, John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt XXVII. I leave you this pendant in hopes you will always know inner peace and so that you might perhaps find me one day, after training your body on Karate Island where I have left you as an infant, so that you can grow strong and move to Dusk Island in the West Blue and learn to become one with the shadows. Also, I hope you can learn to see in the infinite darkness of Dusk Island by communicating with the birds there who shall always remain your steadfast friends. Once this ninja training has been completed, the aforementioned seeking me out will begin. Love, your father, Smith Smithson Smithington II. P.S. Always be a man of honor."

He slipped the necklace back beneath his shirt just as Runch asked, "Is that really everything it says on there?"

"Of course not. It just has my name and my father's name. The rest was just me having fun with telling you guys my story. Jeez. Lighten up. As if there was enough space on this thing for all that."

Runch's face went red as he scratched the side of his ear. Yeah, that made sense. Walked right into that one. "Ahem. I deserved that one. So Hachi. You want to go ahead now?"

Hachi cleared his throat and shifted in his chair. "Ok. Well I grew up in the South Blue too, in a place called Forest Island. The place is filled with giant trees and inhabited by loggers and lumberjacks. My father was the head of the industry, and the local militia. I went around exploring the woods as a kid and got lost and hungry, until I found the devil fruit I ate. Once I got back, everyone thought I was a monster, so I had to run away and learn to control it. Um… Let's see… I mastered it and came back, trained everyday, and eventually pirates came by. My father got killed, I went berserk, and I kicked all their asses out of our home. Ever since then I've been looking for a purpose in life, and I found you guys."

Hachi and Smith looked at one another. All three smiled and nodded, all eyes were on Runch. He looked between the two staring at him and shrugged. "What? Something on my face?"

"Your turn, cap'n." Hachi was genuinely interested in hearing his tale.

"Oh, right. Um. Well, look at the time? We should be turning in, I think."

"Aw shucks, come on cap'n, such a cop out!" Smith wasn't too happy to hear that. After all, Runch hadn't told him much about himself in their two weeks together and now he felt cheated out of his excitement. "It's dark, sure, but still plenty early. We've all got the time."

Runch brushed it off as he stood up. "No, no, it wouldn't feel right. Besides, somebody's got to keep an eye on our course. I'll head up top. You two get the very well deserved rest you've earned."

He paused a moment, drumming his fingers on the railing. The air itself was thick with expectation.

"Consider that captain's order, boys." With that, he left the two to their own devices. Runch hit the top deck and felt the splash of cool ocean air on his skin. He rested his hands on the helm, drifting off into thought. For most of his life, these things were strange and alien. Now he had grown accustomed to them. He wasn't a young dog, yet he learned several new tricks. Now with his sights set on home, he had to ask himself, "Can I learn old ones?"

"You're torn, aren't you?"

"POPPING BLUESBERRIES!" Runch jumped straight up, nearly right out of his clothes. His feet popped straight out of his shoes.

"Don't do that to me!" he shouted, twisting around to see Smith standing a few feet away. "If you have to practice your stealth or something, don't let me know you're here! Still, I have to admit, you got me good. Omnomnom."

Runch caught himself and screwed his face up. He was more serious now, but by no means belligerent or authoritative in his tone. "Why are you out here with me? I thought I ordered the two of you to rest?"

"Captain's order, more specifically," Smith retorted. He leaned up against the cabin wall as he continued speaking. "But you're not a captain. That's what you keep saying, anyway. It's part of why you're torn, isn't it? Taking back what you lost means losing what you've gained. But what I don't understand is why you're reaching out for soft ground, like a worm… When you can soar the skies like an eagle."

"Look, it's complicated, alright?" Runch dismissed Smith with a wave of his hand. "Like I said before, I don't want to get into it."

"You had a dream, right? You wanted to tour the Grand Line and sample every ingredient it had, didn't you? That's what that scumbag marine said. What happened to that conviction?"

"Well," Runch shot back, irritation firm in his tone. Then he thought for a moment, his eyebrows switching positions up and down as he worked it out in his head. His long, pointed mustache received more than a few strokes during this time.

"Alright. I suppose I've run long enough, and I can trust you. It's just… Difficult for me to talk about. But I can't keep my big bazoo shut forever! Omnomnomnom!" He took a seat at the helm, keeping an eye on their progress.

"Truth be told, you and Hachi, you've both reinvigorated and motivated me in different ways. The… Basics of what that marine said are true. I've always been a cereal maker. Best job in the world if you ask me. The smiles of children and adults alike as they gobble down your latest, greatest recipes, for taste or diet, is the most exhilarating feeling in the world.

"Well one day, I was indeed invited to Satou Kingdom for a taste off. The king and me, we hit it off really great! The entire event was organized by him, you see, and he just loved cereal. When the time of the contest came, all the judges were in favor of another man, this huge guy about nine feet tall. He wore all green and his name was Bucky. Anyway, his was the first blend tasted and it held as number one all the way until the last entry. Me. All but one of the judges agreed that mine was the better, the usurping underdog as it were, and ultimately the prize was to go to me.

"Bucky really didn't like any of that. He had a temper to match his size and the stubbornness of a bull! Well things got a bit out of hand. He argued that my recipe was crap, that it was unhealthy, tasted bad, any poor criticism you can think of! Hell, he even said my mom made it for me! Well his claims were put down and I was hoping that'd be the end of it. The king invited me for a personal audience after the whole ordeal, claiming that he had another, more personal prize he wanted me to have, because he loved my cereal that much.

"I ended up getting lost in the castle for a little while, you see. Couldn't find a single soul to help me out. Well I finally found my way to the king's personal chambers, where I came across a rather gruesome sight. The king and his guards were dead, stabbed through the heart and pounded relentlessly. Inside was Bucky, in a rage and holding a bloody sword. As soon as he saw me he attacked, babbling about how he couldn't lose and had too much riding on it and something about an Usagi. I don't know, I wasn't paying attention to his words so much as the muscles and sword coming at me.

"So there I was, diving around, trying to keep myself alive, when I noticed a platter on the table with a strange looking fruit on it. I was in the area, so I grabbed it, remembering the legends about the devil's fruit, and sure enough there was a tag on the thing. It was a gift tag to me, from the king, declaring the devil fruit his prized possession. I didn't see any other options and I knew that it was supposed to give fantastic power, so I scarfed that thing up as quickly as I could. Instantly regretted it, the thing tasted worse than cough syrup.

"Anyway, I tried out my new power then and there. I found myself stumbling around, took a nick or two here and there, but nothing bad. A moment later and I found myself making my super dense combat cereal. Tripped Bucky up, he fell on his backside, and I kept pouring it on. Unfortunately, I, er… I ended up making them really big. Not just dense, but BIG. Large cannonballs were pouring onto the guy and I didn't mean to. I don't have many regrets; he did just kill the most awesome king ever and tried to kill me. It's just that, well… His side of the story got snuffed out along with him, and the guards came in to see me and all the dead bodies. It was an incredibly serious crime, so the guards were overzealous, ready to kill me on the spot without trial or investigation. I did what any sane person would do then. I ran.

"That led to me being on the run for quite some time. I stole the first empty ship I saw, which unfortunately I discovered later was a marine ship, and I kept running. It hasn't been that long, and it pains me. I've been chased ever since. I wanted to go to the Grand Line, but without the protection that would have come before, and being hunted constantly, I just sort of… Gave up. Omnomnom. Kind of pathetic, huh?"

Smith had been listening intently, patiently, hanging on every word as it came gushing from Runch's mouth. Finally, once he knew Runch had finished, he chimed in. "They know where you came from. They're not going to let you just go back and live out your days peacefully. You know that."

"I… I suppose that's right. I hadn't thought of that. Was probably too scared to think that way." Runch sniffled a little and wiped a tear from his eye. Meanwhile, Smith stood up and stretched his back.

"You know something else, Barty? A pirate goes wherever he wants, with a strong crew to help protect him. His flock. Heheh." Smith breathed out a light chuckle, and then turned to walk away. Runch thought hard, his eyes pressed closed. So many things were going through his head, it was hard even to concentrate on just one of them. Still, he thought of Smith, who pushed him, and he thought of Hachi, who bore the same flame of conviction, and he came to a single undeniable conclusion.

"Smith?"

"Yes, Barty?"

"Call me cap'n. Come morning, the Krunch Pirates set sail!"


	6. Chapter 6: Loose Sails and Loose Pockets

Writer's note: Apologies to all the people who read this story (assuming it's more than just the one guy, hard to tell when there isn't a view count, only reviews to rely on) for how long it's been since my last chapter release. My work schedule is very chaotic, never reliable, and to top it off I'm in the Colorado Springs area, so I've had to deal with city threatening fires on top of that. I'll try to get these out more often, but no promises can be made. I am, however, keeping to it, no matter how long it may take at times.

Chapter 6: Loose Sails and Loose Pockets

"Smith, where did you get that ridiculous outfit?" cried Runch incredulously, throwing his arms up in the air. Runch. Hachi, and Smith were standing atop the main deck of the Guppy, having gathered together after a nice sleep. Smith was still dressed in his all black ninja clothing, but he had added to the ensemble. An eye patch over where his left eye should be, a red sash around his waist, and a fake beard poisoned his look. It had certainly made Runch skip a beat, that was for certain.

"Back on Sunny Island. I got it while you were discussing terms on this ship." His retort came naturally.

"But you were waiting on the underside of the pier!"

"Ninja tricks."

"Bah!" Runch hated when Smith used that to justify getting out of any explanation. "In any case, we've far from a whole crew, and this ship isn't quite ship-shape for pirates, is it?"

"Yar, that be right, cap'n!" answered Smith, dropping his voice down a couple octaves and giving it as much grit as he could muster. Runch facepalmed.

"Well, I must admit, that's kind of funny. Omnomnom." He stretched his arms before looking to Hachi. "Kind of quiet, huh?"

"I'll say things when I have something to add," replied the lion man.

"Omnomnom! Fair enough! So what we need is a flag to fly, to symbolize our… Er… Smith?" Runch glanced to his first mate, who was feeding a seagull some bird seed. The eye patch had migrated over to his right eye.

"Gar, we be needn' a jolly roger ta symbolize our freedom and spirit, cap'n!" he answered.

Runch thought about it for a moment. Heh, symbolizing spirit and freedom. From his own experiences with pirates, that was a load of crap. More like a symbol of fear and violence. Well, there really wasn't much that they could do at this point, was there? The world was going to fear and attack him regardless, so he might as well take the only option available to him. This wouldn't be a band of cutthroats and thieves spreading fear. This would be a band of dreamers.

"Right!" he exclaimed, clapping his fist into an open palm. "Which means we'll be needing to stop for the supplies. We've got a ship, but nothing in it, right? Just unlimited food potential. Hachi, what's the nearest island without a marine base?"

Hachi looked over the sea charts of the local area and pointed to the nearest location that wasn't Sunny Island. "Here, the Spire Archipelago. It's fairly populated, but not nearly the hub the Sunny is, since most people don't want to deal with the heights and terrain."

"Then let's set our course there, Hachi. Let's get to work, Smith."

"Aye cap'n! We be setting sail fer tha archipelago an' they'll be tha first t'be knowin' about the Krunch Pirates! Ack! Cough cough! Ok, screw that. I'm done with that voice. Too hard on my throat." Smith ran off to work, Runch doing the same, while Hachi remained at the helm, feeling the wind blow and gauging their direction.

The Guppy and her crew came upon the Spire Archipelago, a collection of nearly two dozen rock spires jutting straight up from the ocean surface, pointed on the top and smooth all the way down. Ledges and paths had been carved into the sides of the spires at various elevations, with a system of bridges, platforms, and ziplines constructed between them all to form a single cohesive society. Ships docked near the bases, and most of anything that was related to sea travel was available on the bottom, just above sea level. Runch thought that this place probably had some troubles during periods of high tide.

Docking crews waved the group on in, and in a couple moments they were tied off and anchored down. As the three began to disembark, the port master informed them that docking would be 1,000 belli a day, which Runch happily agreed to and paid off. He checked his wallet as they carried forward and sighed.

"I've only got a hundred thousand left, guys."

"Ouch," Smith responded. "Well I'm broke, so I can't add to that."

"I've only got twenty thousand myself," Hachi chimed in.

"So we've got a hundred twenty thousand altogether. Let's hope we can find a provider that can fully stock our ship for that. Dear God please let us find someone who can do that." Runch sighed as they headed on into the business district…

"HAHAHAHA! You're serious? A fully stocked sloop for THAT price?"

"Get out, ya freeloaders!"

"You don't have enough money? Then what good are you to me?"

"Sure, I can get you some supplies for a hundred twenty thousand belli."

All three pirates nearly jumped out of their shoes in shock, replying with a unanimous, "You can?" to the supplier they had just found. He was a bit tacky looking, but he did run a supply business, so he might be worth a shot. His wool clothes had a large number of patches stitched into them, and his forehead was simply massive. His nose was an odd shade of red, which contrasted with the rest of his pale looking body. His arms were skinny and unmuscled, indicating he didn't do much labor himself, but he had a larger man moving things about behind him.

"Sure. This is Monty's Discount Maritime Supplies, after all! If I can't find you the right supplies for the right price, what 'right' do I have to give my shop its well earned name?" Monty extended his arms outward and gave what would surely have been a winning smile, had it come from a more attractive mouth.

Runch gave a false laugh at Monty's pun. Truthfully, he found it painful, but he would have gladly kissed this man for such great news if it meant staying on his good side. "Omnomnom! Splendid! Well let's take a look at your wares, then!"

Monty showed the group outside to his storehouse, where he began showing off all of his wonderful discount sailing equipment! The cloth riddled with moth holes! The ropes with termite larva! The soap that smelled like bacon! The paint that still had its lead base! Yeah, there was nothing here that wouldn't get them killed, so the group wandered off, leaving Monty a crying heap by the door, with a few lumps and bruises they gave him when he latched onto their legs.

"Man, this sucks!" Smith shouted, throwing his arms up in the air. The people walking about gave the three a wide berth for it. "We aren't going to find anything in our price range. I mean, what happens if we're attacked at sea? No cannons to fight back with, nothing to repair damage, just… Nothing! Ugh…"

"You get to complain when you contribute," Runch shot back, though it wasn't meant venomously. In fact, he was just poking fun at Smith's poorness. "Omnomnom. Well, we can't dwell on what we can't do. Best to just think of what we can do. I'm sure there's plenty of ways to make money here, right?"

Smith nodded and Hachi shrugged. Runch could tell this situation was getting the guys down, and with good reason. Hell, it was getting him down too. You really can't sail on an unstocked ship. Not without considerable risks, at any rate.

Then a poster caught the captain's eye. He skidded to a halt, catching his balance by lifting one leg as he dipped backward comically. The other two stopped right behind him much more gracefully. There, on the off of this building, was a poster depicting performers. Lights, trapezes, clowns, cannons, animals, and music. It was an advertisement for the traveling circus!

"Feeling blue?" he read. "Then head on to the West Blue Traveling Circus Extravaganza! Tickets on sale blah blah yadda yadda. Hey! They're performing here tonight! Some of the bridges are being temporarily taken down for the trapeze artists! That's pretty cool, right?"

Runch tapped a nearby pedestrian on the shoulder and asked her where they could find tickets for the circus performance. Once she gave him the explanation he required, he thanked her and turned back to his crew.

"A… Circus?" Hachi asked, his confusion quite evident. "But don't we have more important things to work on?"

"Nothing is more important than morale, Hachi. We're going to have fun tonight. That's an order, by the way, and I'm buying so you have nothing to complain about." Runch gestured off in the direction for the tickets and headed straight there at a brisk walk. His fingers trembled with excitement!

"But I don't like the circ-"

Hachi was quickly interrupted by Smith, who whispered in his ear. "He's a bit of a child in an older body, so let him have his fun. Besides, he's doing it for us too. Let's not disappoint him. Not to mention tomorrow is Wednesday, so we'll have poker night. Don't worry."

Hachi thought about it for a moment, then shook his head. He had conceded and trotted off to catch up with the captain, Smith already closing the distance between the three of them.

Once the group had reunited, they took the walk necessary to get to the ticket tent. It was a fifteen minute walk from their position before, and had to head up some lifts to get to the higher platforms. Once they got there, Smith took note of their position, and realized that they were about halfway up the rock spires. Glancing around, he saw something that put him on high alert.

"Thank you, madam. We'll be sure to enjoy the show," Runch said as he bowed, holding three tickets in hand. Smith tapped him on the shoulder and pulled him away from the tent.

"Gah! What are you doing, Smith?" he asked, struggling as Smith forced his head to look downward. He extended his free index finger, pointing toward the docks.

"Oh yeah, I see. The circus ship is arriving! Omnomnom! Glad to see you're excited about it too!" Runch observed the ship, which was painted a combination of colors to resemble something of a rainbow, and had a giraffe figurehead. The upper cabin had a large, pink umbrella, and he could barely make out some figures balancing on balls as they docked.

"Not that, cap'n," Smith sighed, adjusting Runch's view ever so slightly. "That!"

"…. Oh. Yeah, that's not nearly as fun." The captain's excitement levels nearly plunged into the waters far below as he spied several ships in the process of docking, each and every one sporting the marine's flag.

"I wonder what they're doing here?" Hachi asked to nobody in particular. Surprisingly enough, he got an answer.

"Oh, those are off-duty marines," came the friendly voice of the ticket saleswoman behind them. She had ventured out of the tent to see why Runch had been pulled away so hastily. "They're being treated to the performance tonight."

Runch felt a bit better about that. If they were on leave, they wouldn't be looking for him, and they'd likely be too bothered with the entertainment to notice him unless he were acting suspiciously. He smiled and shrugged things off.

"Well, that sounds fine."

"You're not a fan of the marines, are you sir?" the woman asked.

"Not really," Runch replied, scratching the back of his head rather nervously.

"That's fine. A lot of people aren't." The woman smiled warmly and turned back to her tent, ready to sell more tickets for the circus performance.

The group gathered themselves back together and discussed the matter more privately in a local bar. They decided they'd be laying low until the coast was clear and would attend the show. They didn't have the supplies to set out on the open seas without a definite escape plan, so there really wasn't much else in terms of options. That evening would be one of fun and entertainment!

The time was six p.m. The sun dipped down toward the horizon, two edges barely meeting, producing a dazzling orange-blue light across the ocean, and lighting up the tall spires of the archipelago like torches. Of course, there were plenty of man-made lights as well, for the show was about to begin!

The West Blue Traveling Circus had set up so many extravagant, wonderful, and colorful displays! The crew wandered about seeing all the animals, the clowns, the sideshow performers, all the while Runch was giddy as a little school girl. His voice even rose in pitch! Smith was enjoying himself as well, though not nearly so much. Hachi on the other hand, looked rather bored and out of place. Ironic for a lion man.

"Look! That man is juggling swords on a unicycle!" Runch cried out and pointed. Joyous laughter erupted from the jolly man as they passed by. "Omnomnomnom."

"Cap'n, I think we should get to our seats. The main show in the big top is about to begin." As always, Smith was on the ball. This time literally. Runch had gotten his first mate a balancing ball as a souvenir, and Smith had been walking atop it the entire time!

"Yer right, boy. We don't want to miss the biggest shows! These are all minor acts. I can't wait to see what the main performers have in store for us!"

"As long as there aren't too many whips, I'll be fine," Hachi commented, eyeing an animal tamer guiding a lion with his whip. He shook his head as the three entered the big top to find their seats. And who boy, what a big top it was! The peaks of the three tallest spires had been rented out for this show. There was more than 30,000 square feet in space for the performers alone! Den-den mushi were scattered all about, each one ready to receive and project signals for the entire crowd to hear.

As the crew entered, they were met with the sounds of a sales pitcher calling out to the crowd. "Spyglasses! Get your spyglasses here! Don't miss a second of the show with your circus spyglass! Only 150 belli each!"

"Well that's one piece of equipment we won't need to buy later," Runch said as he shrugged, pulling out the cash.

A few minutes later and they three were in their seats, a single spyglass to share between them, and not a moment too soon. The lights began to dim and focused on a single point in the room. A small wisp of smoke emanated from the ground, growing steadily into a thick fog. Meanwhile, Smith narrated his thoughts.

"Oh, lights going off. I like this show already! Huh, can't see what's over there. Technical difficulties, maybe? Oooh, smoke. That's cool. Ha, getting bigger and bigger. Oh wait, I know what's going on! This is my favorite part!"

A simple wooden rose up among the fog, mysterious and ethereal. A near silent chord of music steadily rose in crescendo in tandem. First pianissimo, then a booming fortissimo! Drums and trumpets joined in the grand display as fireworks erupted and exploded around the box, tearing it asunder!

"GAH! My ears!" Smith cried out, remaining verbose and obnoxious.

The smoke cleared, leaving only a bit of mist hanging low to the floor. Standing before the entire crowd was a single man wearing a four foot tall top hat, flaming red dress clothes, and a long rod in his left hand.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" he cried out, his smooth voice projected through every den den mushi. "I, Ringmaster Carlos, present to you the world famous West Blue Traveling Circus Extravaganza!"

The lights flooded the tent once more, flashing red, blue, orange, and white all around the crowd in large spotlights. Streamers and confetti shot through the air as performers paraded out into the open, each and every single one riding atop a large animal. The show had begun.


	7. Chapter 7: The Show Begins!

Chapter 7: The First Show Begins! The Power of the Circus!

"Ringmaster Carlos sure likes to make a spectacle, doesn't he?" Smith commented, leaning back in his chair with his feet propped up on the seat in front of him. He ignored the irritated curses of its owner as Runch responded.

"Well of course dingbat. This is a performance after all-WHOA~!"

Carlos' top hat had opened up from the top, and out crawled four monkeys dressed in red leotards. They began performing gymnastics in the form of a human, er, monkey ladder. With two mighty swings, the group of monkeys landed upon the high rise, to the applause of the crowd.

"Give it up for the Saru Saru Brothers (and sister) ladies and gentlemen! Now please, give them your full attention as Danny and Larry call out your performers tonight!" Carlos gave a wave of his rod, pointing upward with dramatic flair toward the four monkeys, the Saru Saru Brothers (and sister). The two monkeys standing in the middle pulled out notecards, which they held in their feet as they rested upon their hands. Then, amazingly, the sounds of two voices blasted from the den den mushi speakers, high in pitch and a bit slow, as if uncomfortable with speech, but with great emphasis.

"We give you Mister Ganjou Ude, the strongest man in the West Blue!" Danny threw the note card aside as Larry prepared the next one. The spotlight focused on a very large man with equally large muscles. His legs were not well defined, but his torso and arms were easily the size of barrels. His chin was highly pronounced with just the slightest hint of a cleft, while his nose resembled a boulder. His eyes were dull brown but sparkled with the light of showmanship as he came riding in on an exceptionally large lion with a mane as golden as his own. Mister Ude stepped off his mount and showcased his amazing strength… By lifting the lion itself with just his right hand!

"Just to let all the crowd know, Mister Ude is actually left handed!"

The crowd chuckled. Smith simply smirked beneath his mask as he stroked his fake beard, while Hachi raised an eyebrow at the muscleman. "He doesn't look too strong. I bet I could take him."

"Next up we have the amazing Torihito! The flying man!"

Larry tossed his note card aside just as Danny did before, all the while a tall man, about eight feet in height, rode into the spotlight atop a black bear. His hair was long and blue, resembling curtains parted around his face, which was full of life and energy. His smiled was warm and friendly whilst his green eyes gave off a light, all the while his cape shifted and ruffled about as the bear moved and he waved gleefully.

The bear came to a halt, sitting down, and it was time for the flying Torihito to demonstrate his stuff for the audience. The bear stood upward, rearing back. Torihito flipped backward off of the bear, diving headfirst straight down off of the platform! The crowd gasped as it looked to be the end of the performer's life. However, looks are deceiving in the big top, and soon the crowd found itself gasping once again as Torihito began to even out! His arms were outstretched now, and he began ascending through the air! Unbelievable!

"Amazing!" Runch cried out just as Torihito landed safely next to his bear mount. "How do you think he did that?"

"I'm not sure," Smith responded, genuinely interested. A little blue jay flew off from his shoulder. Hachi remained silent.

"Next up for your viewing pleasure," called out one of the monkeys. "Is beastmaster Kakuhan! Keep in mind that every one of our animals has been personally trained by Kakuhan!"

"Except us, right brother?"

"Right, the Saru Saru's were trained personally by ringmaster Carlos."

Riding into the spotlight was a rather annoyed looking man sitting cross-legged atop a giraffe's head. His hair was a dirty blonde and unkempt, with short patches like it'd been cut poorly or torn out from time to time. His head was cylindrical and to say he had a bottle neck would be an understatement. His clothing was flamboyant, as one would expect in the circus, but more regal than his fellow peers. One might even say he looked like a gaudy official with his spotted button-up shirt and striped dress pants. Indeed, he complimented his mount quite well.

The giraffe stopped and craned down its long neck, allowing beastmaster Kakuhan to stand upright and dismount. He placed his hands upon the two whips on either side of his belt. Silence descended upon the big top as the sounds of a light drumroll echoed through the seats and spires, building upward in an ever-growing crescendo until! CRACK! THWACK! Two boulders nearby split in half! A detailed gaze with the spyglass revealed that they were in fact genuine stone. The beastmaster split boulders in half with whips!

"Stunning display, as usual!" came the monkey's cries. "Now beastmaster Kakuhan will bring out the final act of our main performance! Introducing the one! The only! Miiiiiiiiss Schrodinger!"

Kakuhan snapped his left whip out of the spotlight and into the darkness. A moment later and a large gray foot appeared. Attached was a huge head with large ears, tusks, and a trunk. An elephant, big and brawny, but that wasn't the interesting part. Standing atop the elephant's saddle, on two hind legs, was something… Small. People in the crowd all over zoomed in on their spyglasses to see this miniature performer more clearly, and were greeted with a most unusual sight. It was small, yes, but furry with a snout and claws. It had a stripe down its brown back, with a small tail that followed. Everything about this thing said it was a honey badger, not a performer. Yet this honey badger stood on two legs. It wore a belt with twin handguns. Atop its head was a straw cowboy hat. This was definitely a honey badger, and yet it most definitely was… Not.

"Miss Schrodinger stands upright! She walks the walk and even talks the talk!"

"Kinda like us, right Danny?"

"Yeah, except she's also the best damn shot in the entire circus! Give the good people a taste of your act, Miss Schrodinger! Show them how well Kakuhan taught you!"

Runch's eyes were fixed on the badger, his lens focused in and his mouth agape with amazement. He could have sworn that the badger actually narrowed its eyes and grit its teeth at the words of the monkeys. But that wasn't possible, was it? The extraordinary feats continued. In the blink of an eye, Miss Schrodinger pulled out a handgun from the holster, aimed upward, and BANG! The screams and screeches of startled and frightened monkeys filled the tent, quickly followed by the laughter and clapping of the crowd.

"Lolololol, Miss Schrodinger, you continue to impress me!" laughed Carlos, the ringmaster, his voice projecting through the den den mushi. "But let's stick to what the audience can actually see, hmm? Let's stick with impressing them!"

Kakuhan had lined up all the animals the performers had ridden in on. Reaching into a nearby barrel, he pulled out an apple, shiny and red. Placing it on the giraffe's head, he pulled out another, which went to the lion, and so on. All the animals had an apple placed somewhere on their bodies, all lined up in a row. The gunslinging badger climbed atop the barrel and took aim with its other handgun. After a few seconds, the tension built, and BLAM! Four apples fell to the ground, each one with a hole where once there was a core. Miss Schrodinger lifted the barrel of the gun to her snout and blew out the smoke to a cheering crowd.

"Well then, that's all we have for your appetizer! Please wait two minutes and the show will go on with the first act!" The ringmaster enjoyed his loud decrees a lot, it seemed. He took a bow and the lights dimmed once more.

"That's brilliant! Amazing! How do you think that long neck guy trained that badger so well?" Runch leaned over to his mates, clapping his hands excitedly. It had been his favorite teaser act yet.

"I don't know, but that badger is better than that," Smith replied. The blue jay was back on his shoulder, and he held some sort of paper in his hand.

"Take a look." He handed it over to Runch, who looked it over very thoroughly. He coughed in surprise, his eyes simply huge. This was a note card, and judging by the contents, it was one that the Saru Saru brothers were reading from. Of course, the real surprise came from the bullet hole right in the center…

"Singin' strawberries! No wonder those monkeys freaked out so much!"

"It was an intentional shot, and according to the ringmaster, not part of the act. Makes me wonder why that badger would do that." Smith contemplated the facts he had and sent Randal, the blue jay, out once again.

"Maybe she's self-taught and didn't like being advertised as another trained beast?" Hachi threw out rather nonchalantly. His suggestion was promptly ignored, but he was fine with that.

Meanwhile, the crowd behind the crew began to shift as latecomers took their seats. A few shuffled down in front of the crew as well. One look at the uniforms was all that it took to recognize the marines that now completely surrounded them. Act natural, right?

"Hey, cap'n," Smith started, nudging Runch with his elbow. "Take my beard and things."

"What?" Runch gave him an incredulous look.

"It's a good disguise! Better chance they don't recognize you. Works for me, you know?"

"That 'disguise' is ludicrous. I'd be better dressing as a peanut in a cherry farm. Honestly, I don't know how you don't attract more attention with it!"

Smith ignored Runch's pleas and dressed him up in it all anyway, leaving himself in just his ninja garb. The older man now had a red bandana covering his balding head, an eyepatch, and a fake black beard that completely clashed with his white pointed mustache. He rolled his one eye and sighed, just in time as a marine sidled up next to him.

"Hey there, buddy. You haven't by any chance seen this man, have you?" The marine held up a wanted poster for the group to see, with an image of Runch on it. It was during his window escape back on Sunny Island, and Smith's head and hand were just barely visible in the picture. The caption read: Wanted. Dead or Alive. Cereal Killer Captain Krunch. 16,000 Belli.

Runch stared at the poster for a moment, a bead of sweat dripping down his brow. He glanced up to the marine who was patiently waiting for a response. Really? Seriously?

"Ne'er 'eard o' 'im," Runch replied in as deep a voice as he could muster.

"Thanks anyway." The marine placed the poster back in his jacket. "I didn't expect much, but he was last seen sailing in this direction. Let us know if you hear anything, alright?"

Runch nodded as the marine began to stroll awkwardly through the seats. He wiped his brow and sighed in relief.

"How did that even wor-"

"Ninja tricks," Smith shot off with confidence.

"One more thing!" Runch nearly jumped out of his skin! The marine came back and squeezed between Runch and Hachi, sitting down right on top of Smith!

"This is the only free seat I could find. Hope you don't mind if I take i-Huh. It's pretty lumpy. Ah well. At least we're not in the nosebleeders, am I right, guys? Hahahaha!" He leaned back, Smith growling unheard beneath him. Hachi smiled to himself, sitting back as well. Runch chuckled outwardly.

No sooner had they all settled comfortably (well, all except for Smith at any rate) did the lights shine back on. Standing in the spotlight, surrounded by animals of all shapes and sizes, was the strong man, Ganjou Ude, while Kakuhan stood nearby, whips at the ready.

"Now for you viewing pleasure, my dear, handsome audience, is our very own Mister Ude! Due to the dangerous nature of this act, beastmaster Kakuhan is on hand to ensure the safety of the animals, our strong man, and of course, all you in the stands!" The ringmaster was up on the high rise now, providing all the announcements needed for the show.

The show carried on, and the audience simply ate it up. Civilians and marines alike found themselves greatly entertained by the acts put on as Mister Ude wrestled the animals bare-handed. They oohed and awed as Torihito flew gracefully about, throwing roses and bird feathers to attractive women. They gasped in fear, then let out joyous applause as Kakuhan performed dangerous stunts with dangerous animals. The only ones missing out on all the entertainment were the Cereal Killers. Hachi simply wasn't interested. Runch was worried about the marines surrounding them. Smith… Well, he was otherwise occupied. Still, the act Runch had been most excited for was coming up, and he wasn't going to let anything get him down!

"Now, laaaaadiiiiies annnnd gentlemeeeeeen! The last act before our big finale! We present to you the one! The only! The tenacious… Miss Schrodinger!"

Drums rolled and music resonated across the spires like natural tuning forks as once again the honey badger walked into the spotlight, on two hind legs, and lifted its stubby little arms up to the great applause. Nobody was clapping more loudly than Runch.

Several round targets were carted out by animals on the beastmaster's command, and placed all around the stage. Six in total, the furthest was the badger's position was no more than thirty feet. These were moderate shots, but nothing spectacular. Miss Schrodinger drew her twin pistols, took careful aim, aaaaannnnnnnd…. BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM! All six targets struck, dead center. Perfect bull's eyes all around. There was a light applause, but this wasn't anything spectacular. The teaser with the apples was more impressive. At least, it seemed so at first.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please! Are you not entertained? Miss Schrodinger deserves more praise than this! Who among you are astute? Perceptive? Listen well to the echoes of these spires in the tent and you will notice something astounding! Hark now, do you hear it?"

Runch raised his eyebrow and placed a hand to his ear. He listened, but heard nothing. Whatever it was had passed.

"Do you not hear it? The resounding signs of five gunshots! Yes, five shots, six targets! How does she do it?"

As if the ringmaster's voice were some sort of cue, the audience erupted in applause once more. Soon as the cheers died down, spotlights struck different areas of the spires and platforms. The subjects of these lights? Twelve more targets, spread all across the entire big top, as well as three cannons, all posed with another performer ready to aim them. The badger reloaded its pistols and removed its cowboy hat in favor of a black studded helmet.

"We have for you now a stunt suggested by Miss Schrodinger herself! This feat has never before been attempted, and is incredibly dangerous! We give you… The Flying Marksman! Miss Schrodinger will be fired from one cannon to the others, and shall let loose her shots while zooming above your heads! Twelve targets, twelve bullets! Can Miss Schrodinger hit them all before she lands from the third cannon? Will she plummet to the ocean hundreds of feet below and perish? Ladies and gentlemen, LET'S FIND OUT!"

The badger crawled into the first cannon, manned by one of the circus's helpers. The entire tent fell silent in anticipation as the man adjusted the cannon's angle. No creature was stirring through all the tension. Not even a mouse.

BOOM! BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM!

Thoomp! Everyone gawked and stared as a badger flew through the air, letting off four bullets. A moment of inspection showed that all four hit their marks, though not a single one was a bull's eye.

"This is more amazing than my triple berry blast," Runch awed.

"You say somethin',?" asked the marine, glancing over.

"Naw," Runch replied, shaking his head. He almost blew his cover. That wouldn't have turned out well.

BOOM! BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM!

Thoomp! The badger did it again, landing right into the barrel of the third and final cannon! This time it let off five shots at the remaining targets. One missed completely, but another was a perfect bull's eye! The crowd roared, only to be quieted by the ringmaster in order to allow the final cannoneer the concentration required to perfect the angle.

The marine stirred, swatting around his face. "What's up with this bird? Ack, go away."

"Cap'n," Smith grunted out from beneath the marine.

"Bloody Hell, is my chair talking?"

"Not now, Smith," Runch whispered as discreetly as he could to the pinned ninja.

"We got a problem, cap'n. Randal says that badger's going to die."

"Ok, what the Hell is going on here?" The marine stood up from his seat, relieving Smith of the pressure, who took immediate advantage by breathing in deeply.

BOOM! BLAMBLAM!

The cannon fired off, the badger flew, and so did two bullets. Both shots completely missed for the same reason the twelfth and final bullet was not let loose from its chamber; Miss Schrodinger was plummeting! The arc looked good for a fraction of a second, but it didn't take long for the small animal to begin a full descent. The crowd looked on, eyes wide and horrified. Hachi raised an eyebrow and sat upward in his seat. Smith kicked the marine out of his way. Everyone and everything moved at a crawling pace. Everyone save one man.

Runch wasted no time and leapt from his seat. The costume pieces he had hastily donned fell back, save for the eyepatch, and he now felt himself falling through the air as well, mere meters from the badger.

"Bori bori slide!" Pellets manifest themselves from his feet, giving his direction and slowing his fall. It wasn't perfect, far from it, but he reached his target in time, snatching the badger from the air before either of them fell too far. His slide continued, falling to pieces behind him, until he tumbled over onto a nearby platform. Rolling forward, he shielded the badger with his own body and grunted in pain as his back hit rock.

The entire tent stood speechless. They stared before the spectacle, but could not make anything of it. Was this part of the act? Did a real accident just happen? Was the life of a trained animal really worth that danger?

"Attention, circus-goers," called out a new voice from the den den mushi speakers. This one was strong, yet friendly and charming, if full of authority. The audience instinctively looked up to the ringmaster's platform only to find a new person standing next to Carlos, holding the speaker. He was short, barely over five feet tall, with dark skin and messy brown hair. His nose was crooked and long, and he had a greasy look about him in general. His clothing was distinctively marine, and the jacket he wore over his shoulders like a cape meant only one thing.

"I am captain Touchoumaru of the marines, and I am here to tell you this was not part of the performance. That man is the Cereal Killer, Captain Krunch. By my authority, this show is now canceled. Krunch. You are under arrest."


	8. Chapter 8: Those Who Run from Clowns

Chapter 8: Those Who Run from Clowns

Collective gasps emanated from the crowd, but nobody moved an inch. Runch stared upward at the greasy captain staring back down at him, a badger with a helmet tightly clutched in his arms. There were no sounds, yet the words of the captain fell on deaf ears all the same, as though the sheer gravity of them had shocked him into submission.

"Well Krunch? What do you say?" Touchumaru smiled with an extended hand, as though he were inviting Runch to come along and join him for a pleasant trip. The man in question was still dumbfounded, staring and frozen in space.

"The Hell, man? Don't sit here like a layabout little bitch, do something!" snapped the voice of a husky woman. Where, what? Runch blinked for a moment, and suddenly realized where he was and what had happened… And just how much trouble he was in.

"I'm waiting for your answer, Krunch," Touchumaru added. "Will you comply? Or do you want to fight it?"

Runch stood up, Miss Schrodinger crawling up to his shoulders. For a moment he kept his gaze locked with the marine captain, but soon found himself scanning the audience. It wasn't difficult to find where he was sitting in the stands, and thus Smith and Hachi. Both were standing tall, each having one leg on the railing. The marine that had sat with them was now hanging over the side, unconscious, while Smith had recovered his disguise. Both mates were looking right at him, waiting for his response as well. He felt gaze as something far more harsh than the marines or the audience. This was it. Turn himself in now and let them go free without notice… Or fight like Hell to preserve their dreams and spirit?

"Ladies and gentlemen, I do sincerely hope you enjoyed the show while it lasted. I now I sure did! Omnomnomnom! But seriously folks, don't let this spoil your evening. Just remember it as…" Runch paused a moment, the hesitation clear in his voice and eyes.

"Just remember it as the day you nearly caught Cap'n K. Runch." Runch gave a smile as he allowed himself to fall straight down from the platform, the badger clinging ever more tightly to his shoulder. Touchumaru chuckled himself, as though he approved of this act or found it entertaining in some way.

"Heh. That's my cap'n." Smith took a dive from the railings, head first to increase his velocity. Once he caught up, it was a simple matter of snatching Runch from the air with one hand and applying his extended wristblade directly into the rock spire. The three figures continued their fall for twenty feet, slowing their descent as Smith continued puncturing the rock until finally they landed on an empty platform.

"Interesting," remarked the tall acrobat, Torihito. "That man moves with grace almost half as great as myself."

"Oh hush yourself, ya bird head." Ganjou Ude, the strong man, stood at his side, two feet shorter than his peer, but easily thrice as wide. "Yer hubris truly knows no bounds."

"What? I said he was graceful."

Ringmaster Carlos stood on his own platform, addressing the marine captain. He twirled his rod in one hand and periodically waved it around to punctuate his statements, expressing great frustration.

"Who are you to call off my show? Something like this, the crowd would love it! Besides, your entire company is on leave, isn't it?" He slapped the head of his rod into an open palm and tilted his top hat ever so slightly.

"My dear ringmaster," began the captain, taking a bow that, for all intents and purposes, appeared completely sincere. "Does a doctor neglect helping a man shot in front of him simply because he is on vacation? Does a juggler not toss his pins because the spotlight is not on him? It is the same thing. As a marine captain, I am responsible for any crime or criminal in my sight, and I cannot allow these good people to be jeopardized for the sake of entertainment value. Surely you understand this, yes?"

Carlos tapped his rod against his hat for a moment, making an odd sucking sound with his lips as he pondered.

"Fine. Justice. Whatever. But why don't we kill two birds with one stone? Since you are on leave, and this is my circus that was invaded, we'll take out the pirates. You sit back, enjoy the show, and even get to take the credit when you bring them in. This is a matter of pride, captain. I cannot allow anybody to interrupt my show without due punishment. Lolololol."

"Chichichichi," the captain laughed, shaking his head as he held his brow with his left hand. "You know something, ringmaster? I accept. After all, what are the laws of the World Government when compared to the pride of clowns? Have your fun."

"Men!" Touchumaru called out, turning an about face. "Clear these civilians then take your seats. We'll be getting our entertainment after all."

"Lololol." The ringmaster laughed heartily, supporting himself with his rod like a cane. The Saru Saru Brothers (and sister) landed nearby, perching themselves on his shoulders and hat as he pulled a monocle out from his dress jacket. Placing it up to his eye, he began scanning the area, extending it outward like a spyglass.

"What the? Where'd that damn pirate go? Captain! A little assistance?"

"Chichichichichichi," the captain laughed, taking his seat, which was given two extra cushions to make up for his height. "This isn't an audience participation show, ringmaster. I'd find them easily, if it were in my jurisdiction, but this is circus law, right?"

The ringmaster's eyes flared. His teeth clenched, grinding together, and he growled in a deep, menacing tone.

"Alright boys. We've got some rats to catch."

"Chichichichi."

"Another left and you'll be safe for a while," the husky female voice guided in Runch's ear.

"Righto," he replied. Runch and Smith took a quick left, leading to a ladder upward. The duo followed it straight up through a wooden roof and trap door. Once inside, Smith pulled up the ladder and shut the door.

"Ok, we're safe for now, cap'n, but I don't like being cooped up in this cage. We're going to need to get out eventually."

Runch examined their surroundings. The room was fairly small, only about twenty square feet. The trap door leading out and down was on the far corner, while a bed of straw was in the other corner. A small window, about three feet from the floor, was next to Runch. Randal, the blue jay, flew off from Smith's shoulder and out the window as he chirped to it.

"Thanks for the directions to this safe house, Miss Schrodinger. Omnomnom. Never thought I'd be saved by a badger." The honey badger slipped off of Runch's shoulder, walking on two legs toward the bed of straw, where it sat down and pulled off its helmet.

"Yeah, well I never thought I'd be saved by some punk-ass pirate, so favor returned," the badger replied in that now familiar deep, husky woman's voice. Not only did she speak perfectly, she didn't even sound remotely like a badger should!

"Omnomnom! Oh, I'm no punk-ass or whatever you kids call things nowadays. I'm actually a pretty nice guy, once you get to past that whole bounty thing." Runch slumped back against the wall, wiping his forehead as he smiled. "So how sure are you that we won't be found here?"

"You questionin' me, boy? Ain't nobody gonna look here, that's for damn sure!"

"Heh, wow! Cap'n, this badger sure has one Hell of a mouth on her. It's kind of cute." Smith felt a warm feeling welling up from deep within himself, entertained by this sight. Then he get a helmet to the gut for his troubles.

"Oof! You've got a mean throwing arm to boot!"

"Can it pajama bitch! I ain't cute and I ain't happy! This here is somethin' of a safehouse I set up after our third trip to this damn island. I got one at all the WBCE's regular sites. It's where I hide and sleep to avoid doin' any work settin' up the tents and crap. What the Hell do they expect me to do anyway? I'm two freakin' feet tall! All those poles'n crap don't work with me."

She sighed before continuing on with the real topic. Smith's eyes were wide and his eyebrows raised in response to her rantings, while Runch just laughed the entirety of it, hiding his chuckled behind his hand.

"Only good thing about this is that at least I can tell the jerks that you kidnapped me or some crap. Least my reputation ain't gonna be ruined." She laid back, crossing her arms and closing her eyes, just waiting for the storm to blow over.

"I'm afraid it's not that simple, badger." Smith shook his head and looked over his wristblades, the eyepatch having migrated once more, this time to his nose. Runch stared awkwardly while Miss Schrodinger shot back up.

"The Hell you getting' at, pajama bitch?"

"Your plummet wasn't an accident, that's what I'm getting at. If it weren't for my cap'n jumping out to save you out of the goodness and honor of his heart, you'd be dead right now and you wouldn't have ever seen it coming."

"Pffffffft." The badger just fell back down upon her straw patch, dismissing Smith's words. "There ain't a soul in this circus that would want to off me, fool. I'm the best damn act they got and they know it. Little bitches."

"Then why was the black powder of your last cannon drained? That shot obviously didn't have enough power to get you across to your landing point. The arc wasn't bad. It didn't have the power. The reason? The powder was drained from the backside. Nobody could see it too well, even with our spyglasses, but it was there in a neat little pile. Probably still there."

The room went oddly quiet for several moments. Runch had stopped laughing, instead listening intently. Smith kept staring at the badger, waiting for her response. Schrodinger herself just kept lying in one spot, staring out into space. The nice breeze coming from the window helped to ease tension, but only ever so slightly.

Knock knock knock. The entire group shot their glares to the door in the floor. Smith extended his blades in preparation. Runch stood upward and prepared himself. The badger didn't move from her relaxed position, but even a fool could tell she was not relaxed. Knock knock knock.

"Smith? Cap'n? Let me in." The two relaxed and eased up as Hachi's voice crawled through the trap door. In a moment the path was opened up and their navigator was sitting in the cramped space with the entire group.

"Glad to see you made it, Hachi. How'd you find us?" inquired the captain.

"I followed the smell of peanut butter. It's all over you, cap'n."

"Omnomnomnom! Well that's great! The group is all together now! We can plan our next course of action."

"Oh yeah, great," Miss Schrodinger rolled her eyes. "Nobody followed you, did they?"

"They don't know I'm part of the crew," he said, shaking his head. "The marines just evacuated me with the rest of the audience."

"That's relieving. With any luck, they won't recognize our ship and we can sail away." Smith stretched his back.

"Actually, the marines don't seem to be doing much. They got the audience out, then they just sort of… Stopped doing anything. It was really weird."

"That… Actually is pretty strange," Runch replied, stroking his mustache.

The room went quiet again. Everyone was thinking hard on what to do, and how to do it. Get to the ship? What route? Was anybody watching it? What information would Smith's pet bird bring back? Finally, the silence was broken by, oddly enough, the group's quietest member.

"So," Hachi began, turning to face Miss Schrodinger. "You're a honey badger, right?"

"Yup."

"And you walk and talk like humans?"

"Yup."

"So I've been wondering, did you eat some kind of devil fruit?"

"Devil what now? Aw Hell no, I don't even know what that is."

"So… How do you do that? It shouldn't be possible, right?"

Miss Schrodinger sat up for the first time since Smith accused her act of sabotage, staring Hachirou right in the face. A moment later, she spoke.

"Honey, this badger don't care. You tell me only humans walk upright and talk and crap, but you know what? Badger don't care. I'm like this because that's how I want to be. Got it?"

Hachi nodded, accepting that answer. It made perfect sense, at least in his mind. Runch and Smith were more confused, but had better things to think about at the time.

"So are we just going to jet, cap'n?" Smith asked.

"I'd love to, my boy, but we don't have long term travel supplies, remember?"

"Oh, right. Supplies. I always forget about the supplies…"

"Supplies huh? Dumbass pirates. Why don't ya just take the damn things ya want?" The badger shook her head in disbelief. These guys were so… Inept!

"Omnom! That's because we're not cutthroat jerkwads. We're a trio of dreamers with a disapproving world."

"Disapproving, huh?" Schrodinger tapped her holster before speaking out again. "Alright pirates, we're even for now, but scratch my back again and I'll scratch you some supplies. Sound good?"

The three looked from one to another before all eyes settled on captain Runch. The good captain just smiled and nodded. "Sounds good. What did you have in mind?"

"Pajama bitch here says that my accident ain't no accident, so I want proof. You pirates take me to see it for myself, and you get your supplies. Sound good?"

"Back? To the scene of the crime, as it were? That's not very smart. Then again, Randal hasn't been back in a while. I want to check on him." Smith stood up, stretching in their confined space and limbering up for some action.

"Doubtful the marines would be waiting for us after evacuating the audience. What reason would we have to jump back into the den of the beast? I don't think it's anything we can't handle even if we're caught." Hachi stood upward himself and leaned near the doorway, ready to go.

"I can't leave such a great performer hanging. Your conscience should be cleared. Besides, that big top was… Magical. Omnomnom. We accept. Let's go."

The big top was just as grand as before. Its size remained unparalleled, but now instead of shining lights and charming performers it was filled with only darkness and uncertainty. Not a single creature stirred amongst the platforms and spires and lines of rope, which only served to create an awkward calm as the crew crept into the corpse of joy that was a circus shutdown.

"The cannon should be up this way," Smith whispered. He led the line with Runch immediately behind him. Miss Schrodinger sat atop Runch's shoulder, wearing a black beanie hat, while Hachi brought up the rear. The group quietly scaled up a wooden support to a nearby platform and surfaced at their destination.

All four crept up to the cannon, waiting patiently exactly where it was left. Somewhere around this cannon was the evidence they needed. The badger hopped off of Runch's shoulder and she, Runch, and Hachi examined the floor around. Smith headed off toward the edge of the platform, looking around.

The ninja chirped and tweeted. He twisted his gaze every direction he could. He did not catch sight nor sound of his friend. This did not prevent him from trying more and more.

"I smell black powder alright," Hachi commented, kneeling down at the base of the cannon.

"Well no duh, derpy McDerp. It's a cannon. We use it in every show at every venue. What else is it going to smell like?"

"No, not the cannon itself. Here," Hachi pointed about a foot back from the metal monster. "A mixture of redwood and black powder."

The two got closer and inspected the ground. They sniffed together, deeply and ran their fingers across the area. After a closer look, they couldn't deny it. Most of it had been swept away, but there was definitely a pile of black powder here sometime very recently.

"Tweet tweet. Tweet tweet."

"Guys, I hear Randal! He's here! Chirp chirp! Tweet chirp!" Smith leaned over the edge in the direction he heard the bird's sounds, calling out, but there was no sound of wings. No bird flying through the air.

Suddenly, blinding lights lit up the platform. Every single spotlight in the big top focused in on the crew and all they could see for several seconds were spots. A familiar voice rang through the big top, echoing off the spires, originating from the den den mushi speaker system.

"Ladies and gentlemen and of the law! Tonight, the West Blue Traveling Circus Extravaganza has a very special show, just! For! You! I, Ringmaster Carlos, present to the company of captain Touchumaru, the newest and most daring act this family of performers has ever taken on! The capture of notorious pirate Captain Krunch!"


	9. Chapter 9: The Show Must Go On!

Chapter 9: The Show Must Go On!

Author's Note: Yes, it has been... A very long time since my last update. Yeah, I'm rather bad at that. My apologies to anybody who reads this. People do read this, right? Eh, I suppose it doesn't matter. I've got a butt load of things that I deal with day to day that make me a very busy person, and when I get those rare days that I don't have to work on anything... Yeah, relaxation time. My apologies. I've been thinking of setting myself to a schedule to release these chapters. If anybody has any opinions, I'd be glad to hear them. Just PM to me as I'll listen. As always, thanks for reading, please review, and I love you all.

The crew's eyes refocused, pulling them out of the dazzle the sudden spotlights had forced upon them. The entire big top was illuminated once more, music playing from the band. The show was back on, and just like any good show, it had an audience. Not a very large audience, only one small section of the seats were taken, but a very noticeable one. Every man and woman in those seats wore a marine's uniform, and Captain Touchumaru sat in the front, leaning back with one foot hanging over the front railing.

Runch shook his head, a bit nervous. Hachirou remained as stoic as ever, taking mental notes of their new predicament. Miss Schrodinger sighed and grumbled, but felt safe she would be considered a hostage in the situation. Smith, however, was fixated on one particular spot. He trembled, not in fear, but in anger, as he stared up at the tallest platform. There stood Ringmaster Carlos (microphone in hand), Ganjou Ude (shamelessly looking at himself with a hand mirror), Beastmaster Kakuhan (coldly staring down at the group, Miss Schrodinger in particular), and Torihito, holding a brass cage. Inside was a little blue jay, trapped, chirping for its friend.

"You bastard!" cried out the normally calm Smith as he recklessly charged straight up, leaping from pillar to ladder to trapeze. With the extra momentum from the swing, Smith propelled himself right for Torihito, both wrist blades fully extended.

"Flying Swallow!"

"Gets his wings clipped!" Cracked the voice of Beastmaster Kakuhan as his own whip cracked around Smith's extended arms. The whip pulled taught, and with a simple tug, Smith was sent smashing against a wooden pillar. His breath forced out of him, the ninja began to tumble down and would have inevitably died, had Hachirou not quickly caught him.

"Feeling ok?" the navigator asked, gently setting Smith back on his own two feet.

"I can't feel a thing," Smith lied. "Not when I compare it to Randal's torture."

Runch gathered with his crew to make sure Smith was all right, though Miss Schrodinger took no part in it. In fact, she began to slink back, eyeing the whole affair from what few shadows she could find.

"You see now, my lawless friends? You tried to upstage the circus, steal the show! Well congratulation, Krunch. You're in the spotlight. Isn't it simply everything you've ever wanted?" The ringmaster's words were oozing disdain and sarcasm. The smile on his face was like a mask, broken and cracked, showing his true nature far too easily.

"Someone tried to kill your badger and I saved her life!" Runch shot back.

"Preposterous! She's our highest grossing act, nobody could want to kill my little honey pot! It was obviously you pirates looking for a chance at fortune and glory! Well let me tell you something you little upstarts! _Nobody_ upstages _my_ performers!"

Runch blinked a couple times, his face wiped blank. Really? No, _really?_ He glanced over to Hachi and Smith and they had the same look of utter confusion and disbelief on their faces. Well, he assumed Smith did, beneath that black mask.

"… Kid, I've never wanted to smack anyone around as much as I want to do to you right now."

"You'll have to get the better of my performers first. I am, after all, ringmaster for a reason. Put on a good show, boys. An audience with this much pull is crucial to impress." With that, the ringmaster twirled his rod in front of the three performers once, then pointed down at the pirates. He then turned and walked out of sight.

Torihito and Ude smiled smugly (though Ude might have just still been admiring his reflection), while Kakuhan kept his cold stare. Slowly, Ude put away his mirror, turning his gaze upon the pirates looking almost half-amused. Torihito hooked the brass bird cage up to the rafters above them and crossed his arms into his loose fitting sleeves. Kakuhan began to slink away, out of sight and out of mind.

"Orders, cap'n?" Smith posited. He and Hachi glanced over to Runch. The captain, in return, sized up their opponents. He returned the glance.

"Two vanished, so keep an eye out for tricks. With all three of us, we can overwhelm these two in direct combat. Hachi, keep your nose out for the other WHOOAH!"

"Cap'n!"

Runch lost his balance, falling backward and off the platform. Two little chimps chattered humorously to one another as the plummeted, directly into the mouth of a waiting cannon! That was not the end of Runch's embarrassment. The third Saru Saru fired off the cannon, sending Runch flying clear into another portion of the big top, far away.

"Whaaaat the fruuuuuuuuit!" he cried out. With a light thud, he landed right into a safety net. Immediately the fourth Saru Saru (sister) went to work wrapping the net around the captain, encasing him like a fly in a spider's web. His muffled voice cursed in anger and irritation as his attempt at movement only caused the net to swing back and forth.

"Think we can still overwhelm these guys two on two?" Hachi asked Smith. The ninja looked back upward only to be greeted by the sight of Ganjou Ude barreling down on them with both arms locked into a hammer fist.

"Aw crap," was the ninja's answer.

On the lower levels of the big top ran a small four legged creature, only on two legs. This honey badger wore two holsters and a baseball cap (turned backwards, if you're interested), and against all laws of nature was perfectly sentient and human in her actions. That's why she felt the need to get the fruit out of that situation and get back to the circus's ship, where she could investigate. This badger had an attempt on her life by someone else in the family, and the idea of that really pissed her off. No, really, you think a normal assassination attempt is irritating, the circumstances here were the stuff rage is made from.

"Hello badger." That slimy voice echoed nearby, from behind. She knew the owner of that cringe inducing rasp, and frankly it made her hair stand on end. She turned around to answer him.

"Hello Kakuhan. The Hell do you want?" She placed one paw on her hip as she tilted her head up at the guy. It was rather uncomfortable, considering his long neck and her own small stature.

"Just concerned is all. Can't I be concerned for… My fellow performer? My fellow… Family?" Something was off. Miss Schrodinger never liked the way this guy carried himself, and always thought he was a slimeball, but right now… His words, they dripped with… Anticipation? Anger? Crazy stalker manchild vibe? Whatever it was, it definitely wasn't concern.

"Uh-huh. Right. Look, I know you got that crazy animal lover thing goin' on, and I ain't judgin' you for it, but this badger just ain't into it. Besides, ain't you got pirates to fight? So shoo, crazy man." She waved her paw dismissively. He only began to inch forward, closer to her.

"Oh, it's quite alright. Ude and Torihito and the ringmaster, they've got it covered. I'm odd man out. Don't want to hog the spotlight. You know how much the ringmaster haaaaaaates that."

She couldn't disagree. There was a definite point in what he was saying. Unfortunately it was all lost in just how excessively creepy he was being. Far more than normal. It kind of pissed her off a lot.

"Besides, where are you going? Shouldn't you be up there too? Shooting the pirates that kidnapped you? That tried to kill you?" Kakuhan was only eight feet away now, and his presence only continued to weird out the badger even more. She kept one paw close to her holster in case this dude got any bad ideas.

"Pfft, those morons didn't try t'kill me. Couldn't have, even if they were smart enough. Only people that could are _family._"

Kakuhan stopped his advance, grinning on the right side of his face. He stared down into her eyes with his own, and she could see fire behind those glassy lenses. In an instant, she understood what he was about to say.

"That's right. Because it was me."

The echoes of a cracking whip and a single pistol shot intertwined and resonated throughout the lower levels of the big top…

"Ladies and gentlemen, it looks like the Crunch Pirates are already at a significant disadvantage! Lolololol!" Ringmaster Carlos' words rang out throughout the nearly empty big top, a display of unnecessary resources if there ever was one. The audience of marines barely filled a single section of seats.

"Their captain has been taken captive by the Saru Saru Brothers (and sister). This is truly a devastating blow! How will they deal with the West Blue Traveling Circus Extravaganza now that they are outnumbered three to two?"

Hachirou and Ganjou Ude were on the central stage of the main platform. The circus strong man threw punch after punch at the pirate, but hit only air. It wasn't because Hachirou was just that fast either. Only a few moments into their brawl and he was already breathing hard just to keep from getting hit. He knew that if he didn't find an opening soon, this strong man would connect, and that wasn't going to be a good time.

Meanwhile, Smith was leaping from platform to platform, utilizing all of the circus props and equipment to help his movement. His opponent, Torihito, was flying seamlessly through the air after and around him. His opponent's superior mobility was a definite problem in this fight.

"What's this?" spoke the ringmaster, genuinely confused. "Where is our third star, Beastmaster Kakuhan?"

The ringmaster glanced around before settling his gaze on captain Touchumaru. The captain, still laid back, gave a half shrug and a thumbs up, combined with an amused smile. Carlos, irritated, returned to watching the fights.

"Yer pretty fast, brown boy," Ude complimented as his fist barely missed Hachi's cheek. Hachi, in return, thrust his knee right into Ude's gut. It felt like striking concrete, but the man obviously felt the pain. Ude reeled back, covering his stomach with one hand and breathing a bit uneasy.

"Cheap shot, boy. I was given you chops!"

"Then don't talk. It uses breath better applied to the fight." Hachi regained his footing after Ude had to step back. It wasn't going to let the strongman go back on the offensive like that.

"Gahaha! Yer right, boy. Been spendin' t'much time wit that bird brain that's so full of himself. Let're muscles do the talki-OOF!" Hachi's fist got him right in the jaw. It hurt, but Hachi knew that it hurt Ude more.

Ude spat a bit of blood from his mouth and retook his own stance. For what it was worth, he seemed to learn his lesson the second time. He didn't say a single word when he attacked Hachi next, launching himself forward with both arms extended.

Hachi met Ude's full assault with his own equal attempt, and so the two were locked together by the hands, each one squeezing as hard as they could. A moment later and both had to pull away. All four hands were bruised and screaming in pain.

"Your friend down there is quite the fighter," Torihito shot out at Smith, the two of them still performing their aerial dance in the rafters. "Almost half as good a fighter as me!"

Torihito zeroed in on Smith. He flew fast and powerful with his fist outstretched, but Smith kicked off from a pole and met the acrobat halfway, spinning his body so his foot landed down on his foe's back with an axe kick.

"Don't kid yourself," Smith laughed as he recovered atop a nearby platform. "You're almost half as good as him. You can't even touch me."

The flying man recovered, landing on a platform of his own. Even someone as proud as him had to admit that that kick really hurt. That still didn't mean he was going to show any weakness to the enemy, though.

"I can't touch you, can I?" he sneered back. "You seem to forget that I am the great acrobat Torihito! The Flying Man!"

Torihito jumped off the platform toward Smith, who was prepared to counter the assault, only instead to plummet straight down like a normal man. Huh. That was anticlimactic. Wait a minute. Cautiously, Smith peeked over the edge of the platform, looking for-

CRACK! Smith's body flew upward nearly thirty feet and flipped backward over four times from the force of Torihito's fist against his chest. He crashed into the rock spire, coughing up blood, then slowly peeled off the stone and collapsed onto a nearby rope bridge.

"…. Ow….."

"Nahahahahaha!" laughed the flying man as he perched on the rope railing of the bridge. "You see? You only wish you could fly half as good as m-"

CRUNCH! Smith had recovered remarkably well for such a blow, flipping his body up. This caused the bridge to swing, and Smith used that momentum to slam his open palm right into Torihito's smug face. The sickening sound that resulted from this meant only one thing.

"Mah mose!" cried the acrobat, back against a new platform. "Du bwoke mah mose!"

"And you stained my mask. Do you have any idea how long it will take to clean my blood out of this black? Seriously, do you even know?!"

Meanwhile, the onlookers observe the two battles going on before them. Runch was still tied up, cursing his inability to help his crew, and the chattering of the monkeys really wasn't doing anything to calm him down. The ringmaster was visibly irritated that the pirates were putting up such a good fight, and he cursed Kakuhan for simply disappearing. The marines smoked a few cigarettes, enjoying themselves a fair amount. Captain Touchumaru seemed to be having the most fun, actively chuckling at the events playing out before him.

"Damn good show. I wonder how the climax will turn out?"


	10. Chapter 10: Steal the Spotlight!

Chapter 10: Steal the Spotlight!

"Huff huff huff," panted the little honey badger as she ran about the spires and platforms, deep in the underbelly of the big top. The snapping of whips cracking the sound barrier continued to follow her. Sometimes the lashes came uncomfortably close. Though she'd never admit it, she was thankful to be such a small target.

"Where is the great Miss Schrodinger going, hmmmm?" mused the circus beastmaster, cracking one of his whips again, this time only centimeters away from the badger's fur. "I thought she'd take on any challenge? Where's that bull headed determination and stubbornness?"

Miss Schrodinger pulled out a pistol and fired blindly behind her, hoping to slow the guy down. This situation was pretty bad. She needed to get some range on this guy. Up close, he could tear her apart, flay the skin from her body with those whips. With some distance, the tables would no doubt be in her favor.

"Woah! Almost got me that time, didn't you? Little pest. Just die already!" Kakuhan launched a single deadly lash out, which wrapped around a ladder the badger had just taken to climbing. He pulled it right out from beneath her, but Miss Schrodinger didn't let it stop her. Instead of tumbling downward, she jumped hard as she could, managing to just barely grab hold of the ledge above her. With a little exhale, the furry creature pulled herself up, but not before a whip lashed her right across her backside.

"Gah!" she cried out, throwing herself up and over. She growled, pulling out a pistol and turning back over the ledge. High ground, distance, and no ladder for her target to climb. The situation was perfect to fill him so full of lead he'd look like a pencil. Except for the fact that he wasn't there anymore…

CRACK! The sonic boom of a whip caught the badger's attention. She looked off to her left, only to see Kakuhan swinging between support beams, right for her! Fast as she could, she pulled up her pistol and fired off a single shot. It was off, but the results weren't bad. Her bullet pierced the middle of the whip Kakuhan swung from, releasing him from his arc and leaving him with only one of his signature weapons. Miss Schrodinger turned round to book it before he landed right on top of her.

Runch growled from within his net bindings. He had no blades to cut the rope up with, like Smith, and he wasn't strong enough to break them himself, like Hachirou. What good was he then, if he couldn't get out of a single stupid net and protect his mates? Or at least fight with them. Damn. They were both stronger than he was, and he knew it. Why were they following some washed up old man like him, anyway? And why wouldn't THOSE STUPID MONKEYS SHUT THE HELL UP?!

Meanwhile, the fights were still in full swing. Ganjou Ude, the circus strong man, had gained the high ground and was now throwing barrels down at Hachi. Hachi did his best to evade them, but couldn't get out of the way all the time. Those barrels he couldn't avoid he instead took head on, smashing them with both arms simultaneously. It was strange though. No matter how many he dodged or smashed, Ude always seemed to have more.

"GWAHA! Dance monkey man! Hop 'round! Gwahahaha!" Ude chucked another barrel down at Hachi.

Hachi looked unamused and his nose twitched. As the barrel came down on him, his eyes changed, elongating vertically, like a cat's. He leapt upward and onto the platform in a single bound, startling the strong man.

"You're the monkey, Mister Ude." Hachirou completed his transformation, growing a foot in height, bulking up in muscle, growing his fur and mane. He growled loudly at Ude.

"I am the lion!" Hachi swiped with his right claw at Ude, catching him off guard and tearing into the man's left arm. He let out a cry of pain as his blood spilled below into the sea.

Ude growled as a strange combination of pain, anger, and fear flooded his emotions. He swung his fists wildly at Hachi, but the lion man blocked each blow. Their fists were a wild blur as Ude kept on the offensive and Hachi continued to block and parry each strike. The battle was one sided one Hachi pulled out the stops and made use of his devil fruit power.

"Yaaaaah!" Ude swung at Hachi with a left hook, only to be parried again, but this time Hachi followed through with a counter attack. The lion man made use of those fangs of his, clamping down on Ude's forearm. In the same motion, he slammed down a massive foot right on Ude's own left foot, pinning him in place. The strong man's eyes opened wide. This was pain he'd never felt before, and it showed.

"A… A… A… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH HH!" Ude's scream carried louder and farther than any noise of any of the battles so far. Everyone stopped as they heard it. Kakuhan and Schrodinger in the lower levels gave pause for a moment of confusion. Smith and Torihito both seemed to stop in mid-air. The marines gave the scene their full attention, while the ringmaster was so shocked he dropped his rod with a little clack. Runch cheered as loudly as his muffled mouth could, while the Saru Sarus ceased their chattering for the first time. Even the trained monkeys had to stop and stare.

"Y… Y… You let… GO!" Ude slammed his right fist straight down onto Hachi's head. The strong man cried out again as he drove the lion man's teeth deeper into his own skin and muscle, but he didn't care. He slammed his fist down again and again and again, until Hachi's eyes went white from pain and blood trickled down his mane. One more blow, and Hachi was forced to let go.

Both opponents stood before one another for a moment, in a daze. Hachi could barely see or hear for all the damage he took to the head. Meanwhile, Ude had never had to experience that kind of pain before, and had lost a lot of blood.

"I ain't dumb, y'know. People see mah size'n think I'm just dumb muscle, but that just ain't right. Y'were focussn' on my left arm, weren't ya? Heard tha announcement durin' tha show tha' I'm left handed, but I'm not left handed."

Ude grinned at Hachi, who was just beginning to come back to his senses. Hachi growled a bit and shook his head, but Ude had learned his lesson from the lion man's own relentless assaults. With his right arm, he slammed Hachi's chest down into his knee, then followed it up with repeated right hooks to the face. Hachi couldn't do a damn thing against this relentless assault but growl in pain.

The fatigue took its toll. With the force of Ude's next blow, Hachi slipped on some blood, no telling who it belonged to at this point. He fell hard on his back, shaking the platform as he did so. Ude kneeled down and grabbed Hachi by the shoulder with his one good hand and stared into his eyes.

"Lololol! Finish him, Ganjou! Show that pirate who the real stars are!" cried out the ringmaster, a morbid glee in his voice.

Hachi's eyes began to focus again as he felt the strong man's harsh grip, and were able to meet his gaze. Ude grinned triumphantly.

"You did damn good, but I've wrestled lions b'fore. Ah'll give you a courtesy. Any last words b'fore I take you down?"

"Yeah," Hachi coughed, clearing his throat. "I'm not left handed either."

Hachi shot the strong man a knowing grin, who responded only with confusion. Then the lion man let out a mighty, massive roar. The force of it shook the platform, shook Ude too. The marines in the audience took to covering their ears, but Ude didn't have that luxury with only one arm, and even if he did, it still meant letting go of his opponent.

CRACK! Ude's face went from gritting teeth to wide eyes. The hand mirror he had placed in his back pocket shattered from Hachi's roar, piercing his… Well, you know. Hachi took his advantage, thrusting two clawed hands up into Ude's gut. With a mighty heave, muscles convulsing, he hurled the strong man from the platform. Ude could only scream as he plunged straight through platform after platform, crashing through wood until he finally hit rock.

"But I'm… The strongest…" Ude blacked out and Hachi stood up, the triumphant winner.

Two cheers echoed throughout the big top. Smith excitedly shook and pumped his fist as he let his comrade know just how awesome he thought that victory was. The second cheer was a whistle coming from the most unlikely of places: Captain Touchumaru, sitting among his marines.

"What the?! How could?! My strong man! And you're _cheering?!_ Whose side are you on, captain?!" Ringmaster Carlos was flustered and angry, spitting the words venomously that didn't end up as stutters. The captain, for his part, remained pretty cool about the whole situation.

"Chichichichi!" laughed the captain. "Sides? This is a show you're putting on for us. And a damn good one, too. You don't take 'sides' in a show. You sit back and enjoy yourself. Maybe try to guess the twists and turns of the plot, or pick out your favorite characters, but sides? You don't get so invested that you think a show is that important! Chichichichi!"

The ringmaster rolled his eyes and scoffed. "I suppose you would know all about shows, captain. Whatever. Just keep your eyes open. This performance isn't over yet! Lololol!"

Hachi sat down and morphed back into his human form. He took an almost meditative stance as he called out to Smith. "I'm done for now. Got to rest. Don't lose."

Smith smiled beneath his mask and gave a thumbs up, just in time to be caught off guard and kicked in the chest by Torihito. The ninja was knocked off his platform, but managed to save himself by kicking from the pole to a trapeze, where he stood confidently in a crouched position.

"You should learn from that beast man friend of yours," Torihito chided, landing on a platform of his own. "He never let himself get distracted."

"Yeah, you're right," Smith agreed. "Now-Wait, you're talking fine again? How'd you fix your nose?"

"Cosmetics," Torihito smiled, holding up a jar of some sort of lotion looking substance. "Of course, I'm still hurt, but it doesn't look like it and I can talk fine now. Someone like me always has to look his most beautiful, don't you think?"

"Ugh," grunted the ninja, shaking his head. "Whatever. Now let me show you a real flying man!"

Smith flipped downward, holding on to the trapeze with his legs. This caused the equipment to swing back, and on the forward motion Smith released himself, flipping through the air, but not at Torihito. Instead he shot himself straight over his flying foe, turning his motion into a dive. With both his wrist blades extended, he shot passed the support pillar to the platform above Torihito, chopping it into two.

"Flying swallow!" he grunted, landing on a nearby rock spire. He spied Torihito's reaction, which was not what he had expected. The tall, lanky man covered his head and ran off, jumping between his platform and another as he narrowly avoided a pile of wood crashing down on his head. Now that was odd, why didn't he just fly off?

Smith continued his offensive, jumping between pillars to reach Torihito. The flying man turned just in time to see Smith heading straight for him, and lifted upward with a confident grin. Smith landed with his foot stretched outward right where his target was, but now his foe was hovering directly above him. The ninja grimaced and drew two shuriken from his left sleeve.

Smith tossed the shuriken directly upward while Torihito laughed as he dodged to the side. His laughter didn't last long though. The flying man suddenly jerked back, as though he was on an invisible leash and his master just gave a tug. He was on a collision course with Smith!

Smith was confused, but decided to use his advantage while he had it. He took a stance and prepared to kick at Torihito with his ankle blades. Torihito, though visually nervous, threw out his arms dramatically, then tugged them down. Smith felt an invisible force pull him downward, into a bowing position. His forehead hit the platform while Torihito flew right over him, coming to a not very pleasant landing himself.

"How do you like that?" asked the flying man, recovering from his bad landing. "It's my 'king's respect.' The beauty of my flying is so great that all I need to do is give the right order, and even the most unruly of subjects are forced to bow in respect."

The smug look he gave Smith filled the ninja with disgust. This guy was just pissing him off in all of the right ways.

"I think you're full of crap," he scoffed.

"Oh?" Torihito responded. He pulled his hair back a bit and posed. "Then it sounds like you need to be shown just how royal my beauty really is. Hmhmhm. King's respect!"

Torihito lifted his arms and forced them downward again. Smith's arms jerked downward, but he pulled up with his own strength, trembling ever so slightly. Torihito's eyes widened in shock.

"I've got your tricks figured out, 'flying man,'" Smith laughed. "My first clue was when I tore apart the platform above you, and instead of flying to get away, you ran. I decided to confirm my theory, and that's what those shuriken were for. You can't fly at all. It's smoke and mirrors. Well, more accurately, it's cables and wires. You've got them hidden in your sleeves too, and that's how you forced me to my knees, because I sure as Hell don't respect a damn thing about you, beauty included."

Torihito grumbled and grit his teeth. His cheeks flushed red with anger and annoyance. His hands trembled and his feet shook.

"Grr… Fine, so you figured it out, but all that means is I don't need to hide it anymore. My wire dancing will still beat the tar out of you!" Torihito pulled the wires toward himself. Rather than resisting, Smith gladly added some extra momentum. He was spearing toward Torihito, hands (and wrist blades) outstretched.

The acrobat's eyes went wide as he realized his mistake. He threw himself on his back, allowing the ninja to pass over harmlessly. The spool of wire continued to unravel as Smith gained distance. With a grunt, Torihito tugged the wires toward the edge of the platform, but Smith cut the connection with his blades before the force reached him.

The acrobat took to the air again. As he passed by, he flung some wire out, wrapping it around Smith's ankles. Chuckling, Torihito dragged Smith along the ground, over bridges, and between platforms. Bits of black cloth tore and left behind a trail of fabric and red blood.

Enough was enough, and Smith cut the wire again. He skidded to a stop just before hitting another rock wall. Letting out a sigh of relief, he stood up and readied himself for a counter attack. Unfortunately, Torihito got to him a little too quickly. Two more wires whipped out and attached to the ninja, one on his left wrist, the other on his right ankle.

The acrobat swung himself across the big top again, slamming Smith into obstacle after obstacle. All the while, Runch could only watch. Hachi had already given it everything he had, and though he came out victorious, he was in no condition for another fight. Now Smith was being dragged through the air and slammed into all manner of painful things. Here he was held captive by monkeys in a net, of all things. What good was he?

Wait. Monkeys? That gave the captain an idea. There wasn't much room to work with, but it would be enough for what he had planned. When you couldn't appeal to someone's humanity, you could always appeal to their stomach! Little yellow pellets began to drop from his palms. They were scented, and caught the attention of his captors. Runch chuckled to himself as the Saru Saru Brothers (and sister) moved in closer, unraveling the net to get a whiff of that Banana Bonanza flavor…

Meanwhile, Smith had had enough. On the next upward arc, he spun his body as hard as he could. The wire wrapped and wrapped and wrapped around him until the spool was out, meaning there was only one place for that force to go. So Smith began to ascend himself, spinning and spinning, until he collided with Torihito.

"Oof!" they mirrored one another. The force pulled the wire from the spool, breaking Torihito's weapon, while knocking the acrobat off course. Smith hit another platform and freed himself. This was it. He didn't have much left to work with after taking so many blows, so he had to make it count.

"Just die, you ugly worm!" Torihito swung around at Smith, his anger clouding his field of vision. Good. Smith pulled a smoke pellet from his right sleeve, fashioning the best concealment he could possibly work with.

"Owl hunts at night," he declared confidently. His foe was lost amidst the smoke, but Smith's senses were unfazed. He plucked three more shuriken from his left sleeve and tossed them with expert precision. Each one nailed one of Torihito's wires to a post, a wall, and the bottom of a platform.

Part two of Smith's attack strategy. The ninja met Torihito head on with a kick, sending his foe spiraling out of control. With his wires nailed down, he couldn't recover, only ending up tangled in his own gear. The smoke cleared and Torihito came face to face with Smith, who was standing at the very edge of a platform. Beneath the acrobat? A very long fall.

"Let me tell you a few things, flying man," Smith began, as though lecturing a school child. "Flying is beautiful and graceful. Yes, but it means more than that. It's about freedom. The feeling of not being restricted by the world around you. You don't understand freedom, so you don't understand what it means to truly fly. You put my friend in a cage. You put me down because I couldn't fly as well as you. Then look at yourself? You aren't free. These wires here are about security, right? You're held down then, by fear. Because you are not free from fear, you wear these wires. They restrict your movements, so you aren't flying free. Let me show you what it truly means to fly, _by freeing you_."

Smith's final words were punctuated by the extension of his wrist blade. The color drained from Torihito's face as he realized what was about to happen. About how afraid he truly was, and about how he was completely unable to stop it.

The flying man's wings were clipped, in the most ironic of ironies. He plummeted down, too paralyzed with terror to even manage a scream. Then there was Smith, standing alone in front of several cut wires. He breathed a sigh, glancing from Randal's cage, where the little blue jay was still trapped, and the net that held his captain captive.

The marines were speechless. No cheering followed the climax of this fight. Not even Touchumaru gave as much as a clap. Though he didn't seem to be enjoying himself anymore, he didn't seem to dislike it either.

"Well, might as well get Randal and the cap'n," Smith groaned. Just as he took a single step toward a nearby ladder, there was a great impact, followed by an explosion! Smith was hurled aside by the force and into a rock wall.

"Lololololol! You put on an amazing show, faceless man! But unfortunately, you stole the spotlight. Nobody steals my show! NOBODY!" Ringmaster Carlos stepped in front of Smith's limp body, smacking his rod against the palm of his left hand. His eyes narrowed on the ninja and he lifted the rod upward, ready to bring it down.

"Bori bori slide!"

"Wha-OOF!"

Cereal pellets of all colors rained down around the ringmaster as he was knocked on his ass. Sitting back up and adjusting his hat, Carlos was met with the sight of Bartholomew K. Runch, his foot still outstretched from kicking the ringmaster's shoulder.


	11. Chapter 11: The Big Climax!

Chapter 11: Circus Showdown! The Big Climax!

Miss Schrodinger panted, trying to catch her breath. She was safe, for the moment. The good news was that she had gained some ground on beast master Kakuhan. The bad news was that she had no idea where she was; the underside of the big top was pretty dark, looked mostly the same, and she didn't have a lot of time to pay attention to where she was going. Most importantly, she couldn't shoot that long-neck bastard between the teeth if she didn't know where he was, and damn that would feel really good right about now.

Click. Suddenly, a series of lights went on, illuminating the once dark room. The badger had to shield her eyes a moment and take the time to adjust. Once she could see where she was, she pursed her lips and mouthed a curse. Cages were lined up around one another and propped up against the walls. Inside were the forms of several animals, including a giraffe, elephant, rhino, and a lion. This was the worst place she could have run from her assailant: right into the heart of his den.

"So nice of you to come to me, Miss Schrodinger," Kakuhan mocked with false pleasantries. He stood near the cages, one hand already on a latch.

This was perfect! Miss Schrodinger was just out of range of the beast master's whip, but he was well within range of her pistols. All the factors were in her favor: she had taken the time to reload, distance, the fact that Kakuhan gave up his chance at a surprise attack to act smug. She grinned, pulling up both pistols. Kakuhan's eyes grew wide as he realized his situation, his mistake. He pulled the latch on the cage door and threw himself to the side, hoping he could be fast enough to save himself, but knowing it wouldn't. BLAMBLAM!

Just as the little badger took her shots, a strange sound resonated from the upper levels. It sounded like some kind of roar. Whatever it was, it startled the badger, throwing off her aim just enough to make that critical difference. One bullet flew wild, striking nothing but wall. The other struck Kakuhan's shoulder instead of his teeth (yes, she was serious about that). The animal tamer went down as he planned, less injured than he knew he would have been otherwise.

The roar ended, but the animals were all roused by it. The cage Kakuhan had opened belonged to what was usually a rather docile rhinoceros. Forced awake from its slumber, the rhinoceros was shocked and agitated. It thrashed out of the cage, tearing down the iron door in the process, and was running straight for the little honey badger.

"Ohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrapohcr apohcrap!" she cried out, holstering her guns. She dove to the side, barely making it to safety, knowing full well that just one of those powerful legs would crush her flatter than a pancake. Actually, let's go with flatter than a crepe. Honey badger don't care about pancakes, so screw them. Crepes are thinner anyway.

Miss Schrodinger's thoughts were cut short by the cracking of a whip. Thankfully she was not the target. Unfortunately, with that crack, the beast master began issuing commands to the raging rhino. The beast doubled back, this time fully intending to run over the badger. She didn't much like that.

"Not fun!" she shouted, dodging to the side again. As the behemoth passed by, she pulled out a pistol and cracked a shot at its backside. BANG! The lead ball bounced harmlessly off of the creature's tough skin. The rhino didn't even react, as though it felt nothing. Kakuhan laughed at the spectacle, while the badger dodged to the side once more.

"I can't believe you actually tried that! Don't tell me the circus's 'most intelligent and best trained animal' didn't realize those little pea shooters would barely feel like a bee sting to a rhinoceros!" Sarcasm and disdain dripped from Kakuhan's words. Meanwhile, Miss Schrodinger barely managed to get away from the rhino. This time, she could feel the air around its feet rushing through her fur in a manner that was much too close for comfort.

"Smug bitch, what'd I ever do to you?!"

Kakuhan regained his composure and straightened up. He looked annoyed now, if anything. His good arm slowly began stroking the handle of his whip, as though it were something of a pleasant experience.

"You filthy mouthed, crass creature." His eyes were cold, filled with hate, but he never broke tone. "People come to our circus to see you, and they all assume I trained you, because that's what the ringmaster advertises. I could never have a hand in something as rude and unpleasant as you. What's worse is how you outperform me every single performance. Some _freak_ of a badger that came to us with no training? You don't deserve to live, much less in the same circus as a great animal trainer!"

Kakuhan angrily lashed out at the badger as she tried to dodge the rhinoceros again. The whip caught her on the back, causing her to stumble and cry out in pain. The rhino knocked her aside with great force, sending Miss Schrodinger tumbling into the side of the lion cage. She gasped out in pain with each bounce, each blow, until she hit the ground one last time, face first.

"That should be good, Remmy," Kakuhan said, easing the rhino down. He smirked on one side of his face and shook his head, observing the mess of blood and fur that was Miss Schrodinger. There were no doubts in his mind. Nobody could survive that. Certainly no _badger_ could survive that.

"Ugh… Long necked… Bastard…"

Kakuhan's face screwed up, his surprise evident. How… How could a badger of all things survive a strike from his whip, followed by a kick from a fully grown rhinoceros?

"I've got such a raging headache… And now my hat is all bloody." Miss Schrodinger sat up and brushed off her hat before putting it back on. She shook her head, getting back in the game.

"Remmy. Smash her."

The rhino grunted and charged. This time he'd crush that little honey badger for master Kakuhan. The little honey badger, however, had other plans. Her eye twinkled and she smiled from cheek to cheek as the beast came bearing down on her. The rhino charged full speed, but the badger didn't budge. Not until the last second…

"Alleyoop!" she cried out. Miss Schrodinger leapt up at the rhino's leg as it was about to trample her and swung herself up top the creature's neck. Her fellow animal skidded around and attempted to throw her off, but to no avail.

"Yippi-kay-yay, Kakuhan!" the badger shouted, waving her hat in the air and having the time of her life. She directed the rhino's path toward Kakuhan, chuckling as she did so. Then, with those dexterous paws of hers, she pulled out both her pistols once more and fired straight down on the rhino's cranium. Eight shots flew in rapid succession, and though they could not pierce the skull of this strong beast, they did what they were meant to do. The rhino's senses were dulled. Vision and hearing blurred as it took on a massive headache. The beast no longer had any idea where it was going in its mad thrashing.

"No no no nonononononoNO!" Kakuhan let loose with his whip, but all it accomplished was knocking the rhino off balance. The beast fell and slid along the ground, while Miss Schrodinger hopped off and rolled safely. The beast tamer did not fare so well. His rhino collided into his body, and would have crushed him had he not been tossed aside like a rag doll.

"Ugh…" The beast master came to his senses. He was heavily injured and felt a lot of internal bleeding, his whip was nowhere nearby, his rhino was unconscious on the ground, and the target of his enmity was merely feet away, brushing herself off. Oh, and he just so happened to land in front of the lion cage door. That was nice.

"Heh heh," he chuckled, coughing a bit as he did so. Miss Schrodinger glanced over to see what he found so funny, and was considerably less amused at the now open lion cage. The beast was the same one the circus strong man, Ganjou Ude, would ride and wrestle. It stepped forward and licked its master's head. He pointed at the badger and uttered only a single word.

"Kill."

The lion growled and began circling around the badger, stalking her. When it bared its teeth, the badger just shook her head and fired off a single shot. BLAM! The bullet struck the creature's teeth, shattering two of them. The lion reeled back in pain, then cowered in its cage. The badger walked on up to Kakuhan and placed one of her pistols up against his face.

"I can't believe you tried that! Don't tell me the circus's beast master didn't remember that he trained that lion specifically to be a pansy so that Ganjou could give the crowd a kick ass show!" Miss Schrodinger chuckled before continuing.

"So where does that leave us? Oh, right. Your punk-ass face against the barrel of my gun. I should kill you for what you did, but I just can't seem to remember how many bullets I've fired off. So tell ya what. Let's leave it to luck. Sound fair?"

Her grin grew more and more as she talked down to her would-be killer. Kakuhan was sweating blood and biting his trembling lips. The badger then started to whistle to him, to the tune of Pop Goes the Weasel. The world began to melt around Kakuhan and his breathing got heavier.

"Pop!" She pulled the trigger. Click. "Huh. Used all twelve rounds."

Kakuhan blacked out.

"…. Pussy." Miss Schrodinger holstered her gun and turned to walk away. She paused for just a moment, then turned back around, pistol whipped the man in the face, and hustled off. She wasn't sure what it was, but she saw a tangled mass of something fall nearby and wanted to check on how things were going between her "family" and the pirates.

"Bloody Hell!" cried out the ringmaster, looking up at captain Runch. "How'd you get out of that net? And where are my monkeys!?"

"Just fine," the captain responded, lowering his leg and gesturing in the direction of the net, where the Saru Saru Brothers (and sister) were happily munching on a large pile of yellow cereal. "I wouldn't hurt those cute talking monkeys. They're loads of fun! And they were just following instructions."

"You, on the other hand," Runch put up his fists, taking a stance. "I save your star attraction, and you attack us. You even try to kill a barely conscious man! It wouldn't matter if I knew him or not. You just need a lesson in manners, kid! Bori bori shot!"

Runch thrust out his right fist, a small burst of his special, highly dense combat cereal shooting forth. Carlos quickly rolled to the side, barely dodging the attack, and got back up on his feet. With his left hand he held his oversized top hat on, while with his right he held his rod forward, like a fencing sword.

"Save? Manners? _Kid?!_ I'm twenty-eight years old! And you're the one that needs to learn manners, old man! Saved my star attraction my butt. You stole my spotlight!" Carlos whistled sharply, and a moment later all four monkeys gathered around. The ringmaster sternly stared down the captain before issuing a single order.

"Take him out."

"With pleasure, boss!" cheered one of the monkeys. All four hopped up and down momentarily before rushing at Runch acrobatically. Runch clenched his teeth as he was forced to fight off these animals he would rather not harm.

Two brothers came at him from up high, while the third brother and the sister jumped for his legs. Runch threw himself back and waved his arms horizontally across from one another as he did so.

"Bori Bori Grapeshot!" Pellets spewed from his hands, pelting the animals, who flinched in pain. Flinched, but didn't stop. The captain let out a yelp of pain as two monkeys bit into his legs, and thrashed about as two more scurried annoyingly over his torso. Ringmaster Carlos smirked.

"You move with the grace of a sumo panda! Lolololol. I should tip my hat to you." The circus leader gracefully did so, and he showed some amount of struggle in keeping the hat balanced, as though it were heavy. Then, with a click of a button on the side of his rod, the top of the hat swung open on a hinge, revealing…

"A cannon?!" Runch's eyes went wide, and the shocked dulled his senses to the pain of monkey teeth.

"Hair Raiser!" With a great explosion, the miniature cannon fired!

"Bori Bori Wall!" Acting quickly, the captain crouched down, then sprang back up arms first, erecting a wall in the process. The cannonball smashed through it, then into his chest. Captain Runch flew back and took a tumble, the Saru Saru Brothers (and sister) flinging off his body from the force of his sudden flight.

The captain shook his head and coughed up some blood. He felt his gut, and flinched from the pain. There was plenty of bruising there. No doubt that attack would have taken him out had he not acted so quickly.

He stood up and looked off to the sides where the monkeys had been tossed off, hoping they were alright. He took a moment to wonder why his first reaction was to make sure the animals were ok, when he was still in danger. He didn't like being attacked anymore than when he was first declared a criminal, and he certainly hadn't grown to enjoy the fighting aspect. Maybe he was just used to it by now? Or maybe he was growing into the part.

In any case, the monkeys were fine and recovering. At most they were startled and dizzy. The ringmaster, however, was still in his same spot. His irritation was evident by the look on his face. By all means, that cannonball should have taken any old man out, wall or no wall. Why was this middle-aged breakfast mascot back up so quickly?!

"This pirate really worth 16 million, captain Touchumaru?" asked one of the marines in the stands. His peers nodded and muttered in agreement.

"I mean, he doesn't seem too tough. Those two mates of his are another story. I could see 16 million berries for them, but this guy? He should have stayed at 2 million."

"Actually, I have a question about that," chimed in another marine. "This Krunch guy got his first bounty for killing a king, didn't he? Shouldn't that be worth significantly more than 2?"

Touchumaru leaned forward in his chair, resting his chin on his cupped hands. He never took his eyes off of the action, obviously quite invested in it.

"The fact that he was assigned a bounty at all is surprising, actually. Chichichichi. You see, that kingdom was not recognized by the World Government. Since there was no crime against its citizens, I can only surmise that his bounty only came about because the victim was royalty. Chichichichi."

"So what you're saying," piped up the first marine again. "Is that this guy shouldn't be very strong, right? Since he picked on some small, weak kingdom without World Government protection?"

The marine captain's eyes narrowed. Runch and the ringmaster had not moved for several moments. Perhaps this was their way of giving dramatic pause for the audience? The time for pause was over. Touchumaru thought they needed to get back to the entertainmen-Wait, one of his men asked him something again, didn't he? Oh bother.

"Not at all," he replied, sucking on his tongue. "In fact, if I did my research right, he should reflect his bounty and then some."

"What!?" his marines exclaimed in unison.

Touchumaru seemed uninterested in responding, so another man did it for him. This marine dwarfed his commanding officer by standing at six feet, four inches. He wore a snappy red dress suit beneath his marine jacket. His crimson hair was gelled into a strong perm, with his marine baseball cap sitting loosely on top. Upon his upper lip was a well-groomed mustache which swirled into a tight spiral on both ends.

"The murderer turned pirate known as Bartholomew K. Runch," the man began, "Was a cereal merchant that had been preparing to win the top prize of that kingdom's contest for many years. The winner would be sponsored by the king to go on a trip through the Grand Line to collect new ingredients for new recipes. Of course, the Grand Line is well known for its reputation as the most dangerous stretch of sea in this world. It was for this reason we know that K. Runch honed far more than his recipe skills."

The marines listened closely to what the well dressed, red-haired marine had to say, then looked back to the battle, eagerly awaiting the next move.

"He trained himself for combat and survival!"

Runch shot forward, his fist pulled back and ready to strike. The ringmaster reeled back. He was unprepared, had placed his top hat back on his head. As he struggled to attack with it again, the good captain's fist struck the ringmaster square in the gut. Carlos began to double over, his eyes nearly popping out, but that was not the end of his pain.

"Bori Bori Cannon!" Runch finished extending his arm outward. The force of his punch hurt, but it would not compare to the force of pellets striking out as well. The blast shot Carlos back nearly thirty feet. He only stopped when crashing into a walkway.

"Ouch. Ugh…" The ringmaster stood back up, using his rod for support. He stared down at the captain, who was still in the same spot and same stance, now smiling cheerfully. This image, for lack of a more tactful phrase, really pissed him off.

"Fine then, I won't underestimate you anymore! Hair Raiser!" Carlos tilted his hat downward and pressed the button on his rod, unleashing another cannonball.

Runch had more time to avoid the attack this time. He dodged to the side, but forgot to take into consideration the wooden platform he was on. The resulting destruction knocked him off balance, and the sound of another cannon shot stabbed at his ear drums. This one was just a little off on aim, but Runch was first showered with splinters, then dropped through the floor.

"Chocolate custard!" he exclaimed, hitting the floor with a loud thump!

The captain slowly stood, rubbing his head. Once he got his senses back, he looked around, but didn't see the ringmaster anywhere. The marines were still in the stands, watching carefully, but their eyes were on him, not wandering anyplace else. No clues there. Hachirou had recovered Smith and they were now resting together on another platform. That was reassuring, but it didn't help his current state. Climbing up a nearby ladder was Miss Schrodinger. She was a sight for sore eyes. Speaking of sore eyes, what had bloodied her up so badly?

"Surprise!" A furry little pressure forced down on Runch's shoulder and suddenly everything went dark. The voice was obviously one of the monkey's, but there was no surprise there.

BOOM! Runch panicked at the sound of another cannon shot. Not knowing where it was coming from, he threw himself forward on his chest, hoping to avoid it. It was a good call, too. He could feel the lead sphere blast right over his back. It startled the monkey too, which screeched (his ears could have done without anymore loud noises today) and jumped off.

Runch quickly shot back up and observed all around himself, but saw nothing. Wherever the ringmaster was, he knew how to keep himself concealed well.

"First you try to kill me for saving one of your performers, now you don't even care about shooting at your own awesome talking pets? You've got issues, kid!" Runch took up his stance again, circling around slowly, trying to observe every detail, every nook and cranny, so that he could prevent any opening for a surprise attack.

"You're the one with issues!" exclaimed a voice right behind him. Runch spun around, prepared to strike, and came face to face with… The monkey sister? Wait, but wasn't it the ringmaster's voice he had just heard?

"Lololololol! You should have seen your face! You mean you haven't figured it out yet?" That was definitely his voice, but now it was echoing in from the opposite direction, and it was far away. What gives?

"You don't just apply for the job of ringmaster by walking into the circus one day and handing in a resume, old man. Lololol!" Now it was coming from above. How peculiar.

"You've got to have your own act! Build up to it, after you show them all what you're worth! Me? I wasn't always Ringmaster Carlos. I was another performer, and I'm glad to say that I haven't lost my edge. You see, my special talent is that I'm…

"A ventriloquist." Runch felt those last words whispered in his ear. He spun around to meet his opponent, only to have his face greeted by the head of a cane.

"Oof!"

Once Runch looked up again, the ringmaster was gone, but his voice was not.

"Lololololol! It's great fun, I can tell you that much! Of course, I never got much attention for my special skill. First it was the dolls and the dummies. Everyone always cheered for those inanimate pieces of wood and plastic, failing to recognize my talent. So I burned them, and I took on the job of ringmaster. The ringmaster gets all the credit he deserves, right? Nobody upstages the ringmaster, because the entire circus belongs to him!"

Runch's nose began to twitch. Not out of fear or nervousness (after all, his foe could be anywhere and he'd never suspect a thing), but out of disgust and irritation. This man's attitude rubbed him the wrong way.

"So why are you telling me this?" he asked, a hint of a growl in his voice. "Why does it matter to me?"

There was an uncomfortable pause. Runch continued looking around, hoping for some sort of clue, but he saw nothing. He heard nothing. Not until the ringmaster finally broke his silence.

"Whether my performer died or lived, it was as _my_ performer! If she lived, our show would be promoted and praised! If she had died, she'd become a legend and everyone would flock to my circus in mourning! No matter the outcome, my circus would have won! But you had to interfere in matters outside of your own business! You, an outsider, stole my spotlight! By upstaging my performer, you upstaged my circus, and that is an insult I cannot abide!"

"Bloody cherries, are you telling me you'd rather sell tickets than save your performer's life?!"

"Yes! NOW DIE, PIRATE SCUM!"

BOOM! Another cannonball blasted forth. Runch frantically dove to the side, but it didn't help. This one came from straight above and shattered the support beam of his platform. The captain took a tumble, gaining a few new battered bruises in the process.

BOOM! Aw crud. He dodged wildly again, narrowly avoiding another shot. It still threw him off balance, nearly over the edge. That wouldn't have been good, as there was nothing but a straight drop into the ocean from there.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! Runch ran frantically, never certain as to where the attacks were coming from. Splintered wood, explosions, tumbles, he kept taking more and more damage from them. If this had kept up, he wouldn't be able to last.

Wait.

Runch stopped running for a moment. He had noticed that now he was far out of sight from the marines in the audience. Maybe, just maybe…

"Hold up there, Ringmaster. This isn't anyway to finish me off, is it?"

"… What do you mean?" echoed the voice, after a brief pause.

"You're hidden from both eyes and ears. The audience can barely even see me, if at all. That's not dramatic enough, is it? No flare, no glory. How can the audience applaud an act they can't even see?"

"What's your point?" an agitated Carlos interjected.

"The climax should take place on the main stage, so that's where we'll settle this. Deal?"

Another pause. By the mangos of passion, Runch hated those pauses. They could mean anything from his opponent moving into a better position of attack to a simple bathroom break. The anticipation put him ill at ease.

"Lolololololol! Very well. Center stage, pirate filth! There I will show you the true power of the West Blue Traveling Circus Extravaganza!"

And all was quiet. Runch breathed out a sigh of relief, but it did little to calm his nerves. This fight wasn't over yet. His heart beat pounded in his head as he made his way toward the main stage…


	12. Chapter 12: The First Victory!

Chapter 12: The First Victory

Captain Touchoumaru, his tall assistant with the red perm, and all the marine soldiers sat in their stadium seats, each one feeling different about the situation. Some were antsy, others excitable, a couple hoping to jump into a good fight. The marine with the perm was incredibly bored, off in his own little world as he carefully plucked and trimmed individual hairs on his curved mustache. The captain was eager with anticipation, but waiting quite patiently. They had heard many cannon blasts, but the show had wandered out of sight.

The air was thick, and tension high. The captain felt like he was seeing a great film, a spectacular stage show, and right at the thrilling climax too! But now he was being denied his spectatorship. Rather than be annoyed or irritated, he simply made sure not to take his eyes off of the venue. He wouldn't miss anything he might have had the chance to see from his seat.

What was this? A smile crept across Touchoumaru's lips while another figure crept across the platforms. The marine captain focused his eyes on the lone figure, and almost as if he had called them all to attention, each of his men began to stare off into the distance as well.

"What are we looking at?" asked a random marine.

"One of the two guys is coming back," answered another, pointing at the figure.

"No, he's not," chimed in the marine with the perm. "He's heading toward the main stage. Curious, there's no sign of the ring master. So why isn't he trying to get away?"

"Chichichichi," the captain chuckled. "It's not the pirate that caught my attention first, gentlemen."

The uniformed men all raised their eyebrows quizzically, while the marine with the perm began to pay attention once more, no longer trimming his mustache hairs. They could see the pirate captain, Runch climbing up the side ladder and onto the main stage. From there, he made his way to the central platform. No sooner had he taken his place did a bright spotlight shine down upon him, and music blast through the speakers!

"Lololol! Welcome back to center stage, pirate man! If you thought you were going to goad me into an open fight, then you're dumber than you look!" Ringmaster Carlos' voice shot through the speakers and echoed off of every post, beam, and platform in the big top. As he spoke, the floor opened up around Runch in four locations, and from each one a cannon rose up. All four guns were trained on Runch, each one directed by a Saru Saru monkey.

"Interesting. Seems like the pirate man tried to play on the ringmaster's vanity and need for attention," began the marine with the perm. "But it looks like that backfired. True, in a straight up fight, Runch easily outclasses the circus man, but Carlos doesn't play that way, does he?"

"Chichichichi," the marine captain laughed, prompting his men to stare at him.

"What is it, captain?" asked the man with the perm. His brow furrowed sternly, but he quickly caught himself and brushed his hair back into place, perfectly.

"The show ain't over until it's over." Touchumaru smiled widely, his eye sparkling at the exciting show. He was completely immersed within the "performance."

Captain Runch looked between the four cannons rather calmly. His chin raised up as he observed each one. The monkeys were just waiting to fire the large guns, itching to be given the order. This circus man certainly did like his explosions, didn't he?

"Do you have any last words, 'Cereal Killer?'" mocked the ringmaster.

"Good show, but you pause for drama too often for my taste. Get on with it, boy!" the captain shouted, staring down the barrel of the first cannon.

"Lololol! Very well! Saru Sarus! Fire!"

BOOM! The sound of four cannons blasting simultaneously echoed throughout the big top. The only thing that could be heard more clearly than the sound of the blast was the laughter of the ringmaster, blaring through every speaker like broken radio static. All the marines kept their eyes glued to the big cloud of dust on the main stage. Nobody had predicted the end results, for once the smoke cleared…

"What?! How did?! Explain, pirate!" came the outcry of Carlos, for Runch was perfectly fine. Dusty and dirty, lying on his back, but fine. The four cannons had each been destroyed, their remains scattered about creating debris of metal and wood. Captain Runch stood upright, dusting himself off and straightening his frayed mustache back into place. As he did so, he looked between the four destroyed cannons to see four injured monkeys, lying bruised on their backs.

"I am deeply sorry, friendly circus animals," he whispered, a single tear dropping from his eye. His composure changed in an instant, suddenly flaring up with confidence and pomp. He began to strut around the stage, calling out in as loud and dramatic a voice as he could, "You have a dramatic flare, ringmaster, this is without question. However! It comes at the cost of efficiency! Your planning is highly prone to mistakes! For instance, you should have set those cannons up so that they were aimed slightly down, instead of straight! All I had to do was drop to the floor, and your cannons destroyed themselves!

"Of course, you made another mistake before that, ringmaster!" the captain bellowed, now standing perfectly still. He pointed his hand upward, toward the platform the ringmaster had used for announcements during the earlier show.

"You were correct in assuming that I had planned on using your showmanship against you, but not to get the two of us together in a straight fight. You're too… Flighty and underhanded for that. You were going to keep hiding no matter what I did. So the question is, just what _was_ I counting on? I was counting on driving you into one specific hiding place! The one you could not hope to ignore if you wanted to make a show out of it! Bori bori cannon!"

A large, strawberry-red pellet formed in the captain's hand and shot straight upward, blasting into the announcement platform. Splintered wood and cries of pain rained down, and the ringmaster landed on the main stage, a good twenty feet from the captain, right on his back.

"… Ugh…" The ringmaster, bloodied and battered, stood up with shaky knees. He straightened his excessively large top hat and reached for his cane. There was no doubt he was in terrible condition, but looking at the pirate captain, all covered in bruises, battered, breathing heavily, he wasn't in much better condition himself.

"I refuse… To be bested by the likes of you!" Carlos shouted, pointing his cane at Runch. "Compared to your crew, you are _nothing!_ Both are more impressive fighters! Both are stronger! They make you look pathetic by comparison! Why would they follow you?"

Runch breathed in deeply, and exhaled in a long sigh. "I don't deny it. Both of them are stronger than me. Smith has greater technique and a sharp mind more suitable for fighting. Hachirou is focused and his devil fruit powers are far more impressive than my own. Omnom. A cereal man. Can you believe it? I don't blame you for finding it pathetic."

Then, just as before, Runch's demeanor changed. Where before there was a cheery, fun loving man, there was now a serious warrior whose narrowed eyes could pierce steel. "So what does that make you? Your obsession with superiority ostracizes your friends and comrades. It drives them to hurt one another, directly or indirectly. You are a man of hate and pain living beneath the mask of fun and cheer. Neither of us are any better than our subordinates, ringmaster, but there is one thing that makes us as different as Heaven and Hell. I cherish them for it!"

"I AM THE RINGMASTER! I AM SUPERIOR! HAIR RAISER!" Carlos grit his teeth and clamped down on the button in his rod so hard, the poor thing shattered and splintered into his hand. Still, the top of the hat opened, and he took aim at the pirate.

"Bori bori plug!" Runch thrust both hands outward, fingers spread far and wide. A single large cannonball-sized brown pellet grew and shot forth, toward the cannon hat. It made contact, splattering as it did so, gunking up the cannon. Carlos grinned wide, completely unaware…

BOOM!

The thick, brown substance splattered everywhere. Carlos lay on the ground, his hat in tatters. He was completely covered in black powder and the brown gunk. Runch strolled over and kneeled down. The ringmaster, barely conscious, sniffed the substance that saturated his body.

"… Peanut butter?" he asked in a wheeze. Runch nodded, casually scooping some up with his finger and sucking it down.

"Tastes like victory." The captain stood up and moved over into the spotlight. He took a bow to the silent audience. One man stood up, clapping and cheering, though he didn't look any taller standing than he did while sitting.

"Captain, why are you applauding that pirate?" asked an incredulous marine.

"It's the end of the show, of course. You always applaud at the end of a show, don't you?" The captain gave his men a sly smile, and they awkwardly followed in his example.

Runch's cheeks turned red with embarrassment. He hasn't expected this sort of reaction, not from marines. Especially not from marines that had given him the whole "surrender now" speech earlier that same night. He scratched the back of his head and chuckled, before he was reminded of the situation by a familiar voice.

"Cap'n, we need to get out of here!" Hachi said urgently. Runch turned to see his two crewmates standing behind him, each having recovered from their own fights. Runch smiled and nodded, and in an instant all three were hustling away.

Minutes later, the three pirates found their ship, the Guppy, right where they had left it. The three instantly got to work setting sail for anywhere that wasn't here.

"Hurry up, men!" the captain called out, untying a few ropes himself. "The marines are sure to respond quickly! They don't take kindly to assaulting civilians!"

Ten minutes later, and the crew was out to see, Spire Archipelago falling behind like a distant memory. Each of the three breathed out a heavy sigh of relief. Hachirou was tending to the helm, keeping the ship on course. Smith sat atop the crow's nest, relaxing as he kept strong his bird's eye view. Runch sat on a crate, breathing heavily. That fighting, that running, it had taken a great deal out of him.

"Sorry I couldn't get us any supplies, men. You probably think I'm a terrible captain, don't you?" he asked, rubbing his forehead. He was nervous, and worried. After all, they had gone to the island to get the standard sailing supplies they'd need, and ended up watching a circus and fighting for their lives instead.

"What are you talking about?" Smith said from high atop the ship. "You're a great cap'n."

Hachi agreed, with a little, "Mhm."

"What are you talking about?" Runch asked, truly curious. He felt a great weight being lifted from his shoulders.

"Well," Smith started, "You care about your men and our well being. Sure, we couldn't the supplies we needed, but when it came to keeping our morale, you went above and beyond expectations, right?"

"Mhm," Hachi started, but then he caught himself. "Wait, no. I was saying that you did get us the supplies we needed. I still don't care about the circus."

Smith and Runch both stared at the navigator as though he were insane. Hachi, not looking at either of them, didn't seem to notice or care. After a moment, Runch broke the silence.

"What supplies are you talking about, Hachi?"

"Well, where did that crate you're sitting on come from?"

….

….

Runch slapped himself across the face and threw his body up off the crate. Opening it up, he saw that it held all manner of seafaring materials, the essentials that every ship needs when sailing across the ocean. In a frantic hurry, the captain threw open the door to the inside cabins and hurried to the supply room. Sure enough, boxes and barrels of all sorts were scattered about. The room was brimming with supplies! Runch could practically feel his jaw on the floor.

"Hey cap'n," Smith said from behind. "What's that on your butt?"

"Confused, Runch reached back and found a small sticky note attached to his rear. Apparently it had been on the crate he had sat on.

_Bugged out early, but you guys had everything under control. Here's the stuff I promised you. Had to take care of last minute things. Don't leave until I get there, I'm coming with you. I swear to god, if you butt monkeys are gone before I get there, I will hunt you down and cap your asses!_

_Joanne S._

The three pirates looked between one another after reading the note. There was one question they each had on their mind as they sailed into the now rising sun. Who was Joanne S. and why did she owe them anything?


	13. Chapter 13: Raise the Flag!

Chapter 13: Raise the Flag! Our Symbol of Conviction!

Seagulls cried out their peaceful songs as the Guppy sailed across the smooth blue waters. The sky was clear, the sun was bright and warm, and the breeze was strong enough to carry the ship at a favorable pace.

The crew were mostly being layabouts on this lackadaisical day. They had had all night to sail on into the deep blue ocean waves while they rested and recovered their energy from their unexpected adventure. Smith was sprawled out in the crow's nest, supposedly on lookout, but completely washed over by the tides of sleep. Runch sat up against the bow of the Guppy, his eyes closed as he enjoyed the sun's rays, looking quite relaxed and peaceful. Only Hachirou stood vigilant, as he had proven to always do, standing at the ship's helm.

"Hey Hachi?" the captain called out, his eyes still shut.

"Yes Cap'n?" the navigator responded, rather nonchalantly.

"Where are we heading?"

"Don't know," Hachi said, with a shrug. Runch's eyes flashed open and nearly popped clean out of his skull!

"What do you mean you don't know where we're heading?!" the captain asked incredulously, standing and jogging across the ship. By the time he reached the helm, Hachi gave his answer.

"You never told me where to set course," he stated rather simply. Runch opened his mouth to say something and raised his right index finger, only to give pause. His eyes drifted to the right, then to the left, and finally they centered on Hachi once again. The man chuckled and shook his head, dropping his hands to his side.

"Omnomnomnomnom! You got me there, Hachi. It'll take some getting used to being cap'n, I suppose. Omnomnom! Well, we're going to need more bodies aboard this hunk of wood, so we might was well head to the nearest island to go on a recruitment drive. What do the charts say?" Runch leaned back against a large barrel and began to run his fingers through his incredibly long mustache. Hachi pulled out a sea chart and began checking it over.

"Carl says there's an island due east," someone said directly in Runch's ear.

"WHAT THE FRUIT?!" the captain cried out, jumping straight up, nearly ten feet into the air, then came crashing down, flailing in a pile of wood that had once been a barrel. Directly above him, hanging upside down by his legs from the ship's cabin, was Smith.

"Why do you keep DOING that?!" Runch pulled himself out of the broken wood pile, tearing up his clothing in the process. He looked at the holey, but not holy, fabric with irritation, but quickly accepted it with not a complaint, but a sigh.

"Because we both think it's funny," Smith replied, completely deadpan.

The two stared into one another's eyes (or at least, Runch stared into where he believed Smith's eyes to be), completely straight faced, unblinking, like the ultimate staring contest. Seconds gave way to moments, which gave way to minutes, until finally one of them had to stand down.

"Omnomnomnom, you're right. It is funny. But what's this about some Carl?" Runch shrugged and gestured with his hand for the ninja to explain himself. Smith, in response, released himself from the edge of the cabin, flipped upright, and landed on the ground nearby.

"Oh, Carl is a seagull I met while we were sailing away last night." As if signaled, a white bird of the sea fluttered down and perched itself right on Smith's left shoulder. Randal, the blue jay, emerged from the ninja's clothing and perched himself on Smith's right shoulder. The blue jay was significantly smaller, but Runch could have sworn that it was giving Carl the stink eye.

"He's right," Hachi interrupted, pointing down at a sea chart. "Not too far away. We can make it in a couple days."

"Awesome. Set course for there, Hachi." Runch turned back toward Smith, who stood still in the same place, two birds atop his shoulders. "You really do look like a pirate now, Smith. Omnomnomnom!"

The captain shook his head whilst looking down, with his eyes shut. The sight of Smith like that was just too much to take in head on. A couple seconds later, he felt his gut relax and he risked another look. Easing his gaze up, Runch broke out into laughter again, for now Smith was wearing his full pirate "disguise," and still had a bird on each shoulder.

"OMNOMNOMNOMNOM!" Runch fell on his back, giggling like a little girl, his hands covering his stomach as though trying to keep his guts from bursting out. Smith started laughing a bit himself, and soon even the birds began to chirp and squawk in amusement. The only one not laughing, and indeed did not even have the slightest trace of a smile, was Hachi.

After a few minutes of this giggle fit, Runch stood back up, albeit shakily. He had seemed to lose his sense of balance. When his eyes met with the image of Smith once again, he had to stifle more laughter, for the man's eye patch had somehow migrated over to Carl, the seagull. Runch shook his head, as if refusing to waste any more time laughing. The birds took to the air, leaving Smith alone for the time being.

"Alright guys, we've got some work to do before we get to the next island!" Runch announced in his most authoritative voice. "We have our supplies, now we need to make use of them! Get this ship in ship shape, omnomnom, ship ship shape, before we make port! Nobody will want to join a crew of pirates with a poor looking ship, right? So first up we need a flag, a jolly roger that can properly convey our conviction!"

Runch lifted up his leg and set it against the railing. As he did so, he heard the sound of something tearing, and his eyes went wide. Looking down, he saw just what had happened. His ratty clothes, having been torn up by the fragmented wood pile, had just happened to tear in a most inconvenient location. The captain's cheeks flushed red with embarrassment and he quickly moved to cover up. Hachi, Smith, and even the two birds eyes were drawn to it, almost magnetically. In unison, the four tilted their heads to the side, mouths slightly ajar.

"That's… Interesting," Hachi commented.

"Cheep cheep chirp," said Randal.

"I completely agree," Smith responded.

"Ahem… Um… Er… Perhaps maybe the first order of business might be finding me a new, respectable outfit?" Runch slowly began to sidestep away, yet their eyes followed. "Smith!"

"Er, yeah cap'n?" Smith startled and shook his head, forcing his eyes to fix on the captain's, yet constantly feeling the urge to pan downward. It was like a train wreck, he just couldn't look away!

"You get to find me a new, respectable outfit," Runch ordered, his white mustache now flushing the same shade of red as his cheeks.

"Aaaw, why me?" the ninja complained.

"Because you're the one that ruined these clothes!" Runch shouted, his brow furrowed in irritation. "Now hop to it!"

Runch slapped Smith upside the head, then vanished into the captain's cabin of the ship. Smith shook his whole body, as though being roused from a dream. Hachi blankly blinked a few seconds, shrugged, then got back to work. The ninja looked around, took in a deep breath, then descended the stairs into the storage cabin.

The sound of a polite knock knock knock came from the other side of the door to captain Runch's private cabin. He was lying back on his bed, dressed up in a bath robe, idly stroking his mustache as he stared at the ceiling.

"Come in," he called out, perhaps a little more loudly than necessary.

"I already did," Smith replied, not two feet from the captain. He jumped up, but luckily the bed was soft and cushioned. There was no way for him to harm himself this time. He chuckled a small protest half-heartedly before looking to see that Smith holding some clothing in his arms.

"I put these together for you, using the secret ninja art of stealth sewing," he said, rather proudly. Smith set the pile of clothes in the captain's desk, then leaned up against the wall.

Runch smiled warmly to his first mate, standing to inspect what he had done. What Smith had come up with was interesting, to say the least. It almost had looked like he had somehow obtained a marine captain's uniform! But that couldn't be right, must have been that secret sewing art. This was just made to look like it, surely that was the case. Well, not exactly look like it. Those uniforms were mostly white, but the pants and shirt here had been dyed all blue. Then there was the hat. It was a bicorn that looked to be made of blue suede (ooh, fancy) with a great big K emblem colored in gold.

"I like it," Runch barely breathed with a slight nod.

"I'm glad, cap'n. It took a good deal of work to-OOMPF!" Runch grabbed Smith with a passion and proceeded to hug the ninja so tightly he could barely breathe.

"Ok, that's enough. Personal space violation, cap'n." Smith could hear his bones and joints popping from the pressure, and felt extremely uncomfortable with the entire situation. Runch let him go and gave him several strong pats on the shoulder.

"Whew. Ok. Let me catch my breath." Smith rubbed his chest a bit as he took in some deep, gentle breaths. His eye patch was now somehow over his left eye. Runch's brow furrowed in confusion, as he hadn't remembered seeing the eye patch at all. Where did that damn thing come from, anyway? It was even weirder and more mysterious than Smith himself, that damnable piece of black cloth! Oh, wait, Smith is talking. Better start listening.

"I've got another surprise for you out on deck. The Jolly Roger is finished too! You want to come see it, don't you?" Smith gestured toward the door with his thumb over his shoulder. "I'll let you get dressed first."

Smith waved with two fingers and slipped out the door. Runch nodded to his first mate as he left, presenting a stoic appearance, like a rock. A couple seconds after the door shut, Runch grew a smile, which widened and widened until he couldn't help but laugh and giggle like a child, all while performing a little dance. He threw off the bath robe and donned the clothes Smith had so thoughtfully made, placing his hat on last. Runch stood before a full body mirror and gazed upon the man he saw. The image had crossed its arms and stood with confidence. Runch couldn't help but think that his reflection looked badass. Today, he was a real pirate captain.

Bartholomew K. Runch stepped out onto the deck of the ship, taking a deep breathe as he felt that cool ocean breeze splash up on his face. Taking a look down at the next level, he saw Hachi and Smith standing together, holding each end of a black flag. The skull had Runch's iconic mustache, and was topped by an image of his new hat. Lastly, instead of being crossed with bones, the skull was crossed with two silver spoons. The captain's heart began to swell. He had to hold back the tears of pride. With a youthful leap unbecoming of a man his age, Barty Runch landed down below and approached his crew.

"Men!" he ordered, planting his left fist on his hip and pointing to the top of the mast with his right. "Secure that flag!"

Within moments it was done. Smith carefully tied the flag to a stretch of rope on a pulley, and Hachi hoisted it. Destiny itself seemed to agree with these three men, for the very second the flag reached its peak, the calm wind dramatically picked up. The Jolly Roger billowed fiercely, almost sounding like a blade slicing through the air. Three proud men looked upon their noble flag, and each one showed his respect in a different way. Hachi stood silently, unmoving, staring as though from another world. Smith crossed his arms and nodded approvingly. Runch, his reaction was the most pronounced. His smile was so warm, his comrades could feel the heat coming from it. The captain held his hand upward toward the flag, clenched it into a fist, then pointed out toward the sea!

"Krunch Pirates! Today we set sail on our first official adventure, as a real pirate crew!"

"WOOO! YEAH!" Smith yelled, pumping both his fists in the air. Hachi nodded, licking his teeth. Runch turned round and centered his eyes on the lion man with a raised eyebrow.

"Do you even have emotions?" he asked, honestly a bit disappointed. Hachi merely shrugged in response.

"It's exciting."

Runch stared into Hachi's eyes, and Hachi stared right back. Smith looked on and chuckled to himself, reminded of the similar situation he found himself in earlier. The novelty wore off quite quickly, sadly, and Smith had no intention of watching it go on for nearly as long as his own stare off had. He decided to perform his duty as first mate, and keep the captain on task.

"Cap'n?" he interrupted. Runch glanced to the side, acknowledging his interjection. "It's Wednesday. Wednesday is Poker Night."

"Omnomnomnom! You're right. You're right, of course. Let's get things started, then."

Runch, Hachi, and Smith turned round and began heading toward the cabin, ready for a night of betting and fun, at the first mate's insistence. Smith held the door open for the other two as they passed. The table had already been set up ahead of time (that sneaky ninja), so all they had to do was take their places. Smith sat in the dealer's chair, as per usual, while Runch and Hachi sat across from one another.

"Hey Hachi?" Runch asked as Smith began shuffling the cards.

"Yes cap'n?" the navigator replied, receiving his hand.

"What island did we set course for?" Runch looked over his cards. It was a surprisingly good hand. He might actually be able to win this round.

"Turanga Island," Hachi replied off handedly, looking his own cards over. Runch's hand hit the table, a straight flush, but the haphazard way they fell made it abundantly clear it wasn't to show himself off.

"I'm going home."


	14. Chapter 14: Bait and Switch

Chapter 14: Bait and Switch

"Pirates! Pirates are coming!" The voice of a small boy echoed across the land of Turanga Island. The child ran fast as his little body could carry him, away from the rocky Cliffside at the edge of the island, inward. It is quite amazing how well the voices of children can carry, but this island was composed primarily of tilled farmland and plains, allowing his words to spread out even farther on the wind.

"Help! We have to prepare! The pirates are coming!" The young boy ran for several minutes, pushing through the pain with pure fear and excitement. The town was on the horizon, just barely visible, but he could already see the people leaving their houses to see what the commotion was.

"They're… Coming… Pirates…" The boy fell over, panting right in front of the crowd. His mother, a woman with an eyepatch, kneeled down and cradled her boy in her arms, patting him gently on the back.

"There there, Gobbler. Catch your breath. Iiiiiin and ooooout. That's right. Now that you're calm, why don't you tell us what's going on, Gobbler?" Three men in particular crowded in very close to Gobbler and his mother: an old, balding farmer with spectacles larger than his hands, an eight foot tall man covered in iron armor, and a fairly unremarkable young man with an orange mohawk.

"P-p-p-pirates! A ship is coming, a ship with a pirate flag!" Gobbler couldn't contain his anxiety, even in the comfort of his mother's arm. He fidgeted and convulsed violently in a freak out, prompting his mother to let go from shock.

"Pirates?!" the man in armor cried out in a high-pitched, fearful voice. He brought his hands up to his face and jumped five feet into the air. The mother slammed her fist into his face-plating, knocking the man on his ass. He jumped up, blood trickling out from the bottom of his face-plate. "OOOOW! Lulu, what was THAT for?!"

"You may be a dirty coward, but Gobbler's still an impressionable young boy! He doesn't need to learn bad habits from bad people like you, Arcus!" Lulu stared down at the armored man with her one eye filled with contempt as he brushed himself off and lit a cigar and began to smoke it through the breathing slits in his face-plate. Arcus shrugged in response, standing back up as a puff of smoke emanated from him. The man with the orange mohawk was the next to speak.

"Guys, guys, chill out my homes. We have more important… Oh, what's the word? Stuff to talk about. Yeah, that's right. Isn't that right, grampy Farmsworth?" The young man with the mohawk turned to the old farmer with enormous glasses, giving a half shrug.

"Sounds about right, Toast," Farmsworth said, adjusting his spectacles as he leaned in a bit closer to Gobbler. "Now tell us what you saw. We want every gruesome, nasty, evil little detail you can give us so we know just how bloodthirsty and destructive these pirates are."

Gobbler closed his eyes in fear, desperately trying to block out the old farmer's words, while Lulu kicked the old man in the gut. Farmsworth took the blow better than Arcus did, doubling over and rubbing the injury, but otherwise without any complaint.

"There there, my little boy. Just tell us what you saw, it'll be alright," Lulu comforted her son. Gobbler sniffled a bit and opened his eyes.

"Like what?"

"Well, what was the design on the flag, for instance?" the old man chimed in, now recovered from his injury. "That would be the fastest and easiest method to tell what we're dealing with."

"I… I don't know. It was a pirate flag, but it was too far away, so I couldn't see it that well."

"Well, what about the, uh… What do you call it? Oh yeah, the ship. What about the ship itself?" Toast asked, miming a ship sailing across waves with his hands. He had a goofy grin as he entertained himself.

"I think it was big. Like, really big. Like, big enough to hold ten million trillion billion times a jillion pirates!" Gobbler's voice cracked and he burst into tears again. Toast looked shocked and dropped to his knees, but the biggest reaction came from the armored man.

"We're boned!" Arcus shouted, producing a bottle of booze from nowhere, pouring it into his face-plate. A moment later, Lulu kicked the bottle out from his hand, shattering it against the ground, ignoring his defiant protest.

"Don't be ridiculous, Arcus, and stop drinking around my son!" She finally set Gobbler down to stand on his own, but he stayed close to his mother, hugging one of her muscular legs. Toast looked confused and stood back up, scratching the back of his head.

"Lulu's right, gentlemen," Farmsworth began, in the tone of a loving but condescending elder. "That completely made up number is just the overactive imagination of an impressionable young child. Of course, we're still pretty much boned, so it doesn't matt-"

The farmer was interrupted by a right hook to the face, courtesy of Lulu, which sent him spiraling to the ground. A small cloud of dirt kicked up from his impact, dirtying his white clothes. The only reaction he gave to this situation was a small and understated "ow." Lulu grabbed a long, wooden staff from her back, gave it a quick and impressive twirl, then jammed it straight down to the dirt.

"Alright you flower petals, I know I'm the only fighter in the entire village, maybe this whole island, but I sure as hell am not going to stand idly by and let any dirty pirates onto our island without giving them a good wallop. You all can fight with me, or you can hide and let yourselves be bullied. Who's ready to fight with me?!" The one-eyed warrior woman lifted her staff as she asked her question, and a number of the surrounding villagers cheered and applauded.

"I'm all for cheesing it," Arcus said, rather off handedly.

"Why do you even wear that armor?" Lulu asked exasperatedly, shaking her head. Just when she thought she couldn't be any more irritated with that man…

"Because you're always hitting me!" he shouted, turning round and walking away. "Any other conscientious objectors can come with me. I've got a panic room with lots of smokes and booze and blackjack."

Lulu, Toast, and Farmsworth watched as a number of villagers muttered to themselves and scuttled off in the same direction as Arcus. Lulu facepalmed and shook her head in irritation, while Toast just rolled his eyes. Farmsworth himself seemed rather intrigued.

"I'm sorry, Lulu, but I'm just too old to stay and fight. Besides, blackjack and booze are just too great to pass up! Ohohohohoho!" The old man giggled and rubbed his hands together.

"That's alright grampy, I understand," Lulu sighed. Farmsworth let out a childish squeal then ran off to join Arcus with an unnatural skip in his old step. That only left one more.

"I'll gladly fight alongside… Um, what's the word? Oh yeah, you, Lulu." Toast gave an adorable smile with a twinkle in his eye. Lulu returned the smile and rubbed his shoulder.

"I would be honored to have you fight at my side, Toast. I really would." The young man's heart suddenly flared with passion and romance! He was overcome with a confidence that told him he could take on the world and win without a scratch! He was Driver S. Toast, and nothing could stand in his way now!

"But you can't fight with me." And suddenly he felt as lowly as a worm. Why must the woman he love stomp on his heart so viciously? Did she not recognize his own strength? Was he truly so pathetic that she couldn't stand to think of him as her equal on the field of battle?

"You're the only one I trust to look after Gobbler while I fight." And then he felt invincible again.

"I won't let you down, Lulu." One look into his eyes was all she needed to know that he meant it.

"I know you won't," she said, smiling warmly, before looking serious once more and adding, "Because if you do, I will put you through more pain and suffering than you ever thought possible."

"I'll be looking forward to it." Toast grabbed Gobbler and lifted the kid up, who smiled in the embrace of the young man.

"Go kick their asses, mommy." Lulu smiled and gave a wink to her little boy, then blew a kiss to Toast. Then, her muscles tensing up, she turned round and lifted her staff into the air, the sun high above in the center of the sky. The villagers gave out a battle cry as the followed her down the road, toward the edge of the island, ready to defend their homes from the attacking pirates!

The sun was high in the sky, nearly in the center, as the Guppy sailed toward Turanga Island. Captain Bartholomew K. Runch stood at the bow, twitching and fidgeting in a fit of nervousness. He had considered turning the ship around, of course. He had considered fleeing to a different island altogether, but in the end, his nerves wouldn't let him change course. They were already so close, it called out to him, wouldn't let him go, really. Plus, he figured that he at least owed the good people of his island an explanation more than anything.

"You sure you don't want us to set a new course, cap'n?" Smith asked, coming up from behind. Normally, this would have startled Runch in some humorous fashion, but as lost in thought as he was, he felt nothing would make him jump.

"Not at all, but we'll keep going forward anyway, Smith," Runch replied, barely sighing against the wind as the Guppy pressed forward.

The wind was not terribly strong, but it was fairly cross and turbulent. Some sailors would say that the sea gods were moody on this day. The clouds drifted lazily about, eclipsing and uncovering the sun at uneven intervals. The sea around them seemed to be painted like patches of a giant jigsaw puzzle.

"Think you'll stay behind, Cap'n?" the ninja asked, moving up next to Runch. The captain tried to chuckle a bit, but it only came out like a choking, croaking sound.

"I already chose my ship and crew, didn't I?" He turned his head to look at his first mate, and upon seeing him couldn't help but let out a genuine laugh. "Omnomnomnom!"

Smith stood there in his full pirate "disguise." In addition to the eyepatch (currently over his left eye), fake beard, and matching red sash and bandana, he now sported his own hook hand, and a bird on each shoulder.

"Omnomnomnom! Oh Smith, just when I thought you couldn't make that thing look any more ridiculous! Why are you even wearing it?" Runch slapped his thigh, momentarily lost his balance, and recovered before falling overboard.

"You looked like you needed some cheering up!" the ninja proclaimed giddily, before his entire body language changed, exclaiming him offense. "And what's so ridiculous about my disguise, eh? It works! Besides, the hook hand is a classic! Not to mention, from what I hear anyway, it's sported by one of the legendary Seven Warlords of the Sea!"

Smith ran his fingers along the hook hand lovingly, stroking it like one would pet a dog. Runch chuckled again; Smith really knew how to put him in a good mood. The captain grabbed the fake beard, pulled it down, and then let go so that the elastic snapped back on Smith's face.

"Yeah, well, maybe it makes that guy look like a battle-hardened badass, but he also has the reputation of, you know, _being a warlord of the sea_. On you? Just makes you look like you get your ass kicked a lot, especially with the eyepatch. Omnomnomnomnomnom!" Smith grumbled and rubbed his chin, his eyepatch having migrated to his right ear.

"Cap'n!" cried out the deep voice of Hachi, the navigator, from high atop the crow's nest. "Land ho! It's Turanga Island, but there's a problem!"

"What sort of problem?" Runch asked, suddenly becoming nervous again. Hachi slid down the mast, holding the spyglass in his mouth. He bounded on over to his captain, and calmly handed him the device.

"Take a look for yourself, cap'n." Runch took hold of the spyglass, then leaned forward with one foot up on the bow of the Guppy. He placed it to his eye, then scanned the horizon for several moments until he found what he was looking for. Turanga Island was difficult to spot, since it was of fairly low elevation and mainly plains, but a different sort of landmark caught his attention: A small, black, wispy pillar billowing up over the small mound that was his homeland.

"Fire," he said calm and stern, handing the spyglass to Smith. His face screwed up in utter seriousness as he stared out toward the horizon. "Full speed ahead, boys. We don't stop until we hit land."

The crew of the Guppy docked her at the small port nearest where they had come from. As they continued their approach, the source of the smoke vanished, leaving them without a landmark to chase after. This was not commented on by the captain at all, who ordered Smith and Hachi to follow him, and they left the ship.

"We're heading to the nearest town," Runch explained, without a hint of pomp or cheer in his tone. Smith acknowledged the command, while Hachi nodded, and they went off. They only needed to round the corner, and soon as they did, they came across the source of the disturbance.

Eight men garbed in white shirts, shorts, and baseball caps stood around a small group of people, men, women, and children. The men stood guard over the villagers while they were forced to tear down the buildings and throwing the random odds and ends into a couple of carts drawn by horses. All around them were the remains of various buildings, burnt to ash.

"Hurry up, water boys!" called out one man, who blew into a rather loud whistle. "The captain needs the materials from your homes, and he needs them yesterday! No more crying!"

The other men laughed at the villagers' misfortune, and brandished their blades in an intimidating fashion. One of the men began to lick his sword, when he suddenly fell to the ground, choking and coughing. His cutlass struck the ground with a light clanging noise, and the rest of the men brought their attention down to him.

"The hell is that?" the man with the whistle asked, noticing a small, blue pellet the man had hacked up. The cries of two more men drew his attention back up, only to see that they were lying on the ground with two orbs the size of cannon balls next to them! Captain Runch moved forward, both his hands outstretched with open palms. He calmly yet sternly addressed the man with the whistle.

"That would be one of my failed recipes, involving bat guano and the single most disgusting fruit I've ever had the pleasure of eating. Those would be my bori bori cannonballs. _This_ would be my home, and _you_ are not welcome here!"


End file.
